Moving on out

I have decided (read: been forced) to change my blog from Blogger to Wordpress. So just wanted to warn my faithful readers that if things look screwy in the next couple of days, it's not you, it's me.

In the meantime, enjoy a picture of Maeve, looking like a queen on her throne. Jack is apparently trying to get her interested in The Wiggles by showing her an actual DVD.

When Irish eyes (aren't) smiling

Nine years ago today, I saw a cute guy with a glowing Miller Lite shamrock button across the bar. I wanted the button, he wanted my digits and the rest is history. So, if it wasn't for beer, these three little leprechauns wouldn't exist.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to everyone from me and my little pots of gold. And a happy meetiversary to Josh, the best thing that ever happened to me. Well, besides finding my new Hunter boots. Let's not be ridiculous.


Could they ever all smile at the same time again? Just once?

Maeve: Three months

Dear Maeve,

Here we are the three-month mark and that's the same amount of time most stores list as their return policy. Lucky for you, you're cute and we love you, so we're going to keep you.



This last month was pretty much the same as your second month, but with more alertness. You still sleep a lot and eat a lot and generally hang out with us wherever we force you to go. And as the third kid, we force you to go a lot of places. That's the funny difference between first kids and later kids: with the first, parents are crazy about the schedule, OH MY GOD THE SCHEDULE. With later kids, the parents are all, oh, she needs a nap? Just stick her in the stroller, she can sleep while we're out.

But you are starting to get yourself on a little schedule, despite being dragged all over creation every day. I usually have to wake you up to take Jack to school at 8:30 and you stay awake for about an hour before you go down for a three-hour nap. Up for an hour after that, then down for another two- or three-hour nap. Repeat again after that, then you're usually down for the night around 8 p.m. That doesn't mean you sleep through the night -- hahahahahahaha, good one -- but you sleep for a decent stretch of four or five hours before you need to eat again.



The sleep is still coming mostly in the swing, with your arms swaddled up tight. But I can get you to sleep in the bassinet for the first stretch almost every night, and the rest of the night is usually spent next to me in my bed. It's easier for me that way, because I can just nurse you on and off all night without having to get up out of bed. And we all know it's all about the maximization of sleep for everyone in this house.

The nursing has also settled into a nice little pattern, with you eating every three or four hours. But you've hit that cute stage where you like to pull off and flash a huge grin at me. Which is cute the first time you do it, but less so when you keep doing that instead of eating and I am sitting there with my boob hanging out waiting for you to get back on track.

The smiles were bigger and more frequent this month. You love to get your diaper changed, kicking and waving your arms and smiling up a storm on the changing table. I am pretty sure you would lie there all day if we let you, but that would probably take a pretty big chunk out of my day, so we won't be doing that anytime soon. But a baby can dream, can't she?



Another thing you love, which I do let you indulge in as much as you like (see: third child) is the bouncy seat. This is your refuge from Jack and Emmie and the only place I can reliably put you so no one can injure you in any way. I set the bouncy seat on top of the kitchen island, away from little hands, and you just kick your little butt off. You talk to the spinning fish and watch the bubbles intently. After a while, you tire of this and start to fuss, which is the signal to take you out and put you to bed. You're pretty easy to read.

The bouncy seat is probably the only time you don't have either Jack or Emmie right up in your face. They love you. Seriously, they can't get enough of you. Emmie in particular is so excited to see you sometimes that she jumps up and down. They both want to hold you and and show you toys and make you smile. Emmie runs over to where you are and yells, "Hi baby! Hi Maeve!" and giggles and grabs your hands and kisses your head and then my heart literally melts. You often reciprocate with a stare as if to say, "What the hell is going on and why are you so excited to see me?" I think you'll be a lot more excited in a few months when you can actually interact with them on their levels.



Just today you started showing signs of interest in tummy time, which means instead of screaming your head off when I put you on your stomach, you actually pushed yourself up on your arms and looked around a few times, then laid back down and sucked your fist for a while. You also were able to kind of almost sort of roll over once I put you on your side. I'm hoping by getting you into position, you'll get the hang of it and want to do it. But you know, it's a lot easier to put you down and have you remain in one place, so I am in no hurry to have you rolling all over the place.



I'm actually not in a hurry for you to do most things. I want to savor this little baby time. And it's slipping away so quickly. A minute ago you were newborn and I was bringing you home from the hospital and putting you in teeny little newborn onesies. And now you have outgrown all the newborn clothes and love to look around at the world and can hold yourself up when I carry you around. Next thing you know you'll be driving yourself to the mall.

But then I see you sleeping face and I realize you are still my baby. You smell like a baby and sigh like a baby and cry like a baby. There times I put you to sleep in your swing and I will check on you a few minutes later only to find you wide-eyed, just looking around. I always wonder what you're thinking. Do you recognize the things around you? Are you mad I left you on your own? Do you know I am coming back?



And then you lock eyes with me and I know you know the answer to the last question. Of course I will come back. I will always come back. No matter if you're sleeping or 50 feet away at the playground or at college. I will always, always be there for you. Being there for you brings me joy and I hope you realize how much I love you. With every night feeding and every diaper change and every bunch of kisses on your cheek, I am happier. I hope you are too.

Love,
Mommy

Jack v2.0

You think she looks like her brother a little?


Maeve, almost three months


Jack, three months

Skating on thin ice

Yesterday morning I woke up and told Josh we should take Jack ice skating. Neither Josh nor I had been ice skating in the last 15 years, but it seemed like a perfectly good idea. Last day of February, the Olympics inspiring me, not too cold -- great idea.

We headed down to Millenium Park after what should have been naptime, but was just run-around-upstairs-and-go-pee-12-times time, with high hopes. Josh scoffed when I said Jack needed his snowpants, but I held firm that it was going to be too cold to do without.

After securing our $10 rental skates, we set about lacing them up. Jack was, how shall I put it, less than helpful. He kept trying to kick me and when there's a metal blade that close to your face while you struggle to insert an uncooperative child's foot into an unforgiving boot, well you get a little twitchy.

Once we finally had everyone ready to go, we had to cool our heels for 15 minutes while the Zamboni did its thing. But Jack thought it was kind of cool and we all just watched it go around and around and around while listening to the piped-in 80s music. Nothing says "winter fun" like sitting on the cold ground with Rick Springfield crooning telephone numbers in the background. And then I couldn't stop thinking about "Californication" and Rick Springfield. Eww.

On the ice finally, I have no idea why, but I thought we would just hold Jack's hands and glide along. After a couple of turns around the rink, I figured he would be good to go.



Let me be clear: I have been a mother for four years now and I should know better. You never, ever go into any event involving children with anything but the lowest of expectations. Oh but how I was wrong.

Jack clung to Josh at first, his feet scrabbling underneath him. I tried to calmly tell him to just stand still and get his balance. He tried, but then insisted he couldn't.



He then clung to the railing, kind of sidestepping his way in five-foot increments. He kept sitting down on the side, which caused me to point out to Josh just who made the snowpants mandatory. I know all, don't doubt the Mommy.

It took us an hour to go around one time. ONE. HOUR.

When we had the last 15 feet in sight, I told him he had to hold my hand and go to the end. Damn it, I paid $30 for this fun and we were going to finish strong. And he did. Yay Jack!



I must say, at the end of the day, I was proud of him. He wasn't exactly thrilled about it, but he tried and he kept getting back up and trying again. When it was over, we asked if he had fun and he said yes.

Clearly, my hopes of him throwing a triple axle on his first time out were slightly premature. But he did it, and that's what counts.

Be mine

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone out there. I realize it's a day late and $15 dollars short (damn that inflation), but as you can tell from the expressions on all their faces, it was one of those days.



And yes, that was the best shot of the bunch.

Jack: Four years

Dear Jack,

My sweet, crazy, smart, handsome, funny little man -- today you are 4 years old. Four years ago tonight you burst into our lives and made us parents. When I saw you for the first time, I didn't think I could ever love you more and then you turned 4 and I realized my love for you grows every day.



In the last year you have changed so much I don't even know where to start. You're taller, thinner, faster, smarter, more articulate and more interesting. You carry on the most fascinating conversations about your day, your friends and random things you see out the window. Your new favorite thing is to ask me what the street signs say, and then you remember and tell me what intersections we are driving through days later. You're freaky like that when it comes to memory -- you don't miss anything and it's all stored in the vault.

You started all-day school in the fall and you adore it. When we get to school, you're so excited to get in the door that you literally jump out of the carseat or the stroller, shrug your backpack on and hurriedly kiss me goodbye before running up to the door. You go in all by yourself, walk down the hall to your classroom by yourself and put your things away in your locker all by yourself. A locker! You're 4, what could you need a locker for? You love all your friends and your teachers and you always come out in the afternoon with a huge smile on your face. And that is my favorite part of my day -- no matter what, you look for me and when you catch my eye, I wave and you light up. But you're also a typical 4-year-old boy when it comes to behavior and we've had to remind you to keep your hands to yourself and try to keep your mouth quiet. Some day you'll figure it out. Hopefully.



You've grown so much I swear you get bigger overnight. Just last week all your 4T pants were suddenly too small in the waist and too short in the legs, so we had to get all new jeans. You love to eat, always asking, "What else can I have?" Some of your favorites are smoothies, spinach salad, tikka masala, almond butter sandwiches, yogurt, cereal bars, apples and pizza. Like your father, you would eat pizza at every meal if we let you. Thankfully, you are pretty open to trying new things and love fruits and veggies, so we hope that continues.

This past year you became a big brother for the second time and this time, it's been a completely different experience. You genuinely love Maeve and are so gentle and nice to her. You always want to know where she is and what she's doing, and you ask to hold her quite a bit. You love it when she smiles at you and have a great time playing on her little play mat with her. You give her lots of kisses and gentle pats on the head and I love to watch you interact with her because it's so sweet. Your interaction with Emmie isn't always as sweet, however. You do get along more and spend more time playing together, but she's normally the target of your aggression. You can just be walking around the house and out of nowhere, boom, you hip-check her for no reason, sending her wailing to the ground. But then you can turn around and be completely nice, sharing a toy with her or asking if she wants to watch "The Wiggles" with you. I suspect this hot and cold relationship will continue for many years, hopefully with less violence.



Some of your favorite things right now are playing at the park, watching "The Wiggles" and "Go, Diego, Go," playing Uno, playing with your train set, pretending to be a veterinarian with your stuffed animals, playing video games on your Leapster, reading books, riding your tricycle, going to the park, playing soccer and swimming. You want to do everything yourself from zipping your own coat to carrying your own milk and food to the table. If you can't get something after a few tries, you're getting much better about asking for help instead of throwing a huge tantrum and screaming. Not that you don't still do the tantrum thing, but they're usually shortlived and not very often.

When you take a shower, you wash your "armhips." You like to go to the nature "nuseum" and you won't eat salads without "yummy screwtons" on them. You like to help Daddy make "smoovies" and you're getting ready to celebrate "Valentime's Day." There are a million more cute things that you say, but your speech is getting more adult by the day and soon, you won't say any of those cute little things anymore.



Yesterday, I took you to a birthday party for one of your friends and there was a magic show. As an adult, I usually roll my eyes and get annoyed by things like that, but watching it through your eyes was a whole new experience. Your eyes lit up and grew wide as he made doves appear out of thin air and you clapped with obvious delight when he changed four birds into a poodle. As I watched you watch the show, I saw unabashed joy in your face. You don't know how to be cynical or doubt what you see. You live in the moment and wear your heart on your sleeve. It makes me so happy to see you enjoying yourself. It makes me sad to see you disappointed. It makes me crazy when I think someone has slighted you. I only want the best for you and while I know disappointment is part of life, I wish you would never know it.

In the last few months, you've been a little wary of Daddy and I being gone. It started when I went to the hospital to have Maeve and has gotten a little worse since Daddy started traveling for work. Every night you get a serious look on your face and ask me, "Mommy, are you leaving? Are you going to leave me alone?" And I always tell you that I would never leave you alone, that someone will always be here with you. I've never experienced this kind of thing with you before, so it's been a little surprising. There are nights when you ask me for the 20th time, when you are supposed to be in bed, and it's a little annoying. But mostly, it makes me want to scoop you up and hug you tightly. Don't worry Jackie, in 10 years, you'll beg me to just leave you alone already, slamming the door to your room. And then I will remind you that when you were 4, that's the last thing you wanted.



When I think back to the tiny baby you were, with your wrinkly brow and skinny arms and legs, I am amazed at the big boy you are now. How did you get from there to here? How did I witness all these days yet miss you growing up? I love the baby in you, but I can't get enough of the big boy you have become.

Love,
Mommy

Maeve: Two months

Dear Maeve,

It's been two months since you joined our family and it's like you've been with us for two decades with how easy the transition has been. Sure, you like to get up twice a night to eat, and you aren't such a fan of being put down and come to think of it, you're pretty high-maintenance in the napping department, but other than that, you're quite easy to manage.



This last month went by so fast I'm not even sure what happened. Daddy started traveling for work four days a week at the beginning of your second month of life and since then, I have kind of lived in a haze of sleep deprivation and have tried to make sure you and your brother and sister are all fed, clothed and alive at the end of the day. So far, so good.



You've started smiling a lot more this month and you're so much more aware of your surroundings. You look around, stare at the banister (your favorite object in the house, even more than the boobs) and try to watch Jack and Emmie when they are running around like lunatics. You tolerate their frequent close encounters, which mostly consist of Emmie poking you in the face or trying to shove a pacifier in your mouth and Jack rubbing your head and kissing you. They really do love you and love it when you are awake and smiling. We'll see how much they love it when you start shoving their toys in your mouth in a few months, but for now, it works.



For the most part, your sleep patterns are still pretty awesome. You sleep a stretch of five or six hours overnight, mostly in the swing, but occasionally next to me in my bed, and still nap most of the day in short spurts. You love being wrapped like a little burrito in your Miracle Blanket and immediately start to calm down when we wrap you up. You also love being carried on my chest in the Moby Wrap. You love it so much you will nap several hours in it every afternoon when we pick Jack up from school and if I could find a way to legally drive with you in it, I would never take it off. That might be weird in the shower, but if it meant you would sleep, I would sacrifice. But if you're not strapped to my chest or being held, you're becoming less of a great napper. So wrap you up I will.



I also took my first trip away from you this month, going on a snowboarding trip with Daddy. You went to Grandma and Grandpa's house for the weekend and lived it up with bottles of pumped milk. When I came home, you stared at me for a minute like you couldn't believe it was me, and then you promptly started nursing and fell asleep. Welcome home, indeed.



You weighed 9 pounds and were in the 90th percentile for height at the beginning of this month and I estimate you've gained at least a pound and even more length since then. Your newborn jammies have been relegated to the "outgrown" bin and you fill the 3-month size out rather nicely. Clearly the breastmilk does a body good. And we were finally in a great place with the nursing until the thrush struck this week, making breastfeeding hurt just as bad as it did in the first few days of your life. Hopefully the gentian violet will do the trick without turning your face purple, but rest assured if it does, I will have the camera at the ready.



As the third child, you would think you'd be getting the least of our attention, but that's not the case. I love the time we have together every night after the big kids go to bed. You usually have about an hour of alert time every night and we hang out, me trying to get you to smile and you trying to talk to me. We play with your toys and read a few books and I smother you with kisses. It's great to have one-on-one time with you and get to know you and figure out what makes you happy. Plus, if you're not in the swing, you're pretty much glued to my body the rest of the time, so I kind of have to give you attention. Maybe as a third kid, that's your way of assuring I pay attention to you. But you don't need to worry, as the baby you'll always have a special place in my heart.

Love,
Mommy

Eight is great

So I had this baby eight weeks ago, but I never post pictures of her because I am always too busy holding her to pick up the camera. She started smiling about three weeks ago, but of course she never does it on cue and we always end up with these hilariously awful pictures of her with her mouth wide open and her eyes all wild.

Exhibit A:


However, this is what I was able to capture today. No true smiles, but she was cooing up a storm during this shoot at her favorite conversationalist, the banister in the living room. She has more serious talks with that thing than she ever does with me. Whatever.



It's hard to remain annoyed with that little chubby face. I just want to eat her up.

Maeve: One month

Dear Maeve,

In the year before you were born, a lot of people followed an exercise plan called the "30-Day Shred." I am proud to report that your first month did not almost kill me like the exercise plan does most people. Instead, it was an awesome month spent getting to know you, the newest member of our family.

You came out on your own terms, a day before you were set to be evicted, and have continued to set the pace since then. You sleep well and eat well and generally go with the flow.



Your favorite thing is to be held. If someone is holding you, whoa boy, the sleep records you can set. You came home from the hospital sleeping six hours overnight and for that, Mommy is so thankful. You don't do it every night, but enough to make me not want to tell anyone about it, lest the karma bite me in the butt. Your personal best record was seven straight hours, but you did it sleeping on my chest, so I'm not sure if that really counts because I slept fitfully in mostly 15-minute increments. Since you sleep so well when you're held, we tend to hold you, well, all the time. Hence the reason you sleep approximately 22 hours per day.

If you're not sleeping, you usually have a boob in your face. The breastfeeding got off to a rocky start when you decided you weren't going to latch on properly and instead wanted to do it your own way. The way that caused massive pain, cracking and bleeding for Mommy. You'd think being my third baby, my boobs should be totally conditioned and a little latch problem wouldn't make a difference. You would be wrong. So we enlisted the help of a pro-fesh-ional lactation consultant, who gave me permission to use a nipple shield, pump and give you bottles for a few days and prescribed the magic Jack Newman's nipple cream. The cream worked it's mojo, you didn't starve or need formula and the nipple shield stuck around for about three weeks.



We're finally to the point where I don't wince and dig my fingernails into the nearest hard object when you latch on, so hopefully the breastfeeding will be smooth sailing from here on out.

Your first month was a little bit of a learning curve for everybody in the family. Mommy was figuring out how to get enough sleep and feeding you through the pain, while Daddy was trying to get to know you and spend time with Jack and Emmie while generally playing the role of Mr. Mom. Speaking of your big brother and big sister, they have adjusted pretty well to your entrance into the world.



Emmie is so curious about everything you do. When she hears me get up in the morning, she runs to the bottom of the stairs and yells, "Baby? Baby!" She loves to watch you eat and constantly gives you kisses. She runs around looking for blankets for you and at the slightest peep, she runs to me and wants me to come and pick you up. She also loves to hold you on her lap and calls you "Mafe."




Jack is so gentle and loving with you, it's hard to believe he's the same kid who can turn around and whack Emmie 10 seconds after he kisses you on the head. You are the first person he asks about when he comes in the door from school and he loves to crawl up next to me while you are eating and gently stroke your head. Tonight, when Grandma asked him if he is gentle with you, he replied, "Grandma, I do not hit Maeve, just Emmie." All right then. Guess you have an ally for life.

Your first month also found you opening Christmas presents and ringing in the New Year. Your Daddy is really excited to finally have a December baby and thanks you for the tax implications. It was weird to have such a little baby at the holidays, and it made Mommy a little crazy because it's also the germiest time of the year and I didn't want anyone touching you and contaminating you, so I kept you safely ensconced in the sling at every gathering.



Now that you are here, I can't imagine how we ever got by without you. Your sweet little face, your huge dark eyes, your little snort when you are really pissed off and hungry, your long skinny legs and penchant for sleeping with your hand next to your cheek -- everything about you is perfect. I had no idea what you would look like, act like or even what sex you would be, but you have exceeded every expectation I had. You are my sweet second daughter, my littlest girl, my Miss Maeve.

Love,
Mommy

Happy New Year!

Nothing says 2010 quite like Trader Joe's truffle brownies, so I whipped up a batch on Wednesday. And then Josh took them to a party. A party I did not go to. Instead I stayed home with a baby on my boob for three straight hours. Seriously.

Since he thefted my precious chocolaty goodness, the same chocolaty goodness I promised my babysitting-on-New-Years-Eve-out-of-the-goodness-of-their-hearts parents, I made him go buy another box of mix on Thursday so I could whip up a batch for the new year. Oh who am I kidding -- those were going to be gone before 2009 was.

I let the kids help make the second batch. They loved it.


Sorry, daddy gets to lick the spoon.


OK, that was a lie, Mommy is licking the spoon.


But I want to lick the spoon! Damn it, I am sick of breastmilk.

Then we had a little countdown with the kids before their bedtime, complete with noisemakers and party hats. Jack loved counting down and Emmie was fascinated by the noisemakers. Maeve was pissed it held up her dinner hour by a few minutes. Also, she was not a fan of her hat. But it was jaunty! A jaunty New Year's hat for our 2009 baby!


OMFG get this hat off me.


5, 4, 3, 2, 1...


Happy New Year at 7:05 p.m.!


Let's see how many times I can blow this and annoy the shit out of Mommy.


Even Daddy was excited to ring in 2010.

Happy New Years to all! I am resolving to try and not kill or injure anyone in my family in 2010. Not sure how doable that is, considering Josh is leaving me alone with three kids all week every week, but in the immortal words of Jack, "I can just try."

Merry Christmas

I am normally not one for sappy holiday musings, but we really did get the greatest gift of all this year. Of course, I am talking about our newest tax deduction.

May you and yours be the recipients of great gifts, good cheer and easy travels.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Here, mostly

Just wanted to update the masses that the reports of my untimely demise are totally false. The children may have taken over the house, but Josh and I are still in charge. Kind of.

The grandparents packed up and went home on Saturday morning, leaving us alone with the natives for the first time. Everyone has survived thus far.

Jack is being an exemplary big brother, curious about the breastfeeding and eager to help out in any way with Maeve. Emmie is an awesome big sister, excited to give kisses and gentle touches and always on alert for crying, and she will inform us when Maeve needs our immediate attention.

Maeve has been sleeping like a champ, routinely snoozing in six-hour stretches overnight. I have now jinxed it by saying it on the Internet and she will probably wake up every hour on the hour for the rest of my life to spite me. But she is also the gassiest baby I have ever met. I think she is going to melt the polar ice caps with all the gas she is releasing every day. Poor kid.

I am sleeping like a new mom, although Josh and the grandparents have made sure I get enough rest. I get up with Gassy Girl when she needs to be fed around the clock, but I also sleep in with her in the mornings. So that works out well.

Of course, I am in no way ready for Christmas, but I figure people are lucky I even got them a gift with a two-week-old in my house, if I don't wrap the gift, too bad.

So I wanted to get a post out there to show we are all accounted for. And yes, I have a picture of Miss Maeve, the two-week-old. I know that's why you all came here anyway.

Pictionary

I have been working on a post since Friday night but can't seem to find the time to, you know, finish writing it. Something about a newborn on the boob and sleep-deprivation. Dunno, but man, it's hard to find the time to write right now.

Let me distract you with some pictures!

The whole fam-damily

Jack and Emmie met Maeve today. They were so excited they could barely contain themselves.



Maeve was the gracious newcomer, not interrupting or talking too much about herself. Emmie greeted her with inquisitiveness about her background, where she grew up and tried to shove a hat on her head after politely shaking her foot rather than her hand. Jack wholeheartedly welcomed her with kisses and handshakes before showing her who was boss with a few ill-timed, mostly harmless whacks. He blamed her for his unfortunate incarceration in his room.

There were sibling gifts exchanged, which always breaks the ice, and everyone wondered how Maeve knew Jack liked Diego and Emmie liked babies. Maeve was pleased to receive her rattle and lovey, and asked how they could have known she needed both.

We're a five-family now. Let the fun begin.

Trick or germs

We take a break from our regularly scheduled swine flu update to bring you this special Halloween Report. But before we get to that, wanted to update everyone that Jack has joined me in the world of pork and came down with the H1N1 early this morning. Fever of 101, hacking cough and complaints that his chest and throat hurt bought him a stay-home-from-school pass that came with his very own day o' TV. I watched eight hours of kids' TV today. Eight hours that kept him quiet on the couch and me happy next to him with my laptop.

He was holding steady at 102 degrees tonight before bed, so we're looking at another day home tomorrow followed by a scheduled day off of school on Friday, making this a five-day weekend. Whoo-hoo?

Anyway, back to our special report.

Trick or Treat, or shall I say Trick or Germs, was awesome for both kids this year. Jack was an old pro and Emmie picked it up very quickly. After the second house, she realized people would give her shiny wrapped objects if she said the magic words, so she started saying, "tick teet" without being prompted and "tank you" about 50 percent of the time. Jack took charge, boldly going up to the houses and would have probably done the whole street by himself if we let him.

It was freezing, but everyone had a great time. Daddy was offered beer at one house and Mommy pilfered a full-size Twix from Emmie's bag. All in all, a solid outing once again.


Happy Halloween!


We met up with some friends from the neighborhood. Notice Emmie has her eye on their candy.


No, I don't WANT a sucker. I want M 'n Ms.


My parents never let me have candy. Just wait til they find out I am planning to eat all of it.


Jesus Mommy, you are so embarrassing making me hold your hand. Can't you just stand over there so I can pretend I don't know you?


People, I am a DRAGON. Not a dinosaur. Have you ever seen a dinosaur with wings? Stop being stupid.


Nooooo, not the Three Musketeers, Emmie! Don't you know you always go straight for the Milky Ways?


OMG, who stuffed a pumpkin under that woman's shirt? Oh wait. That's actually Mommy's belly. Nevermind.