Pump up the jam

Josh and I waited until Jack was five months old to go away for the first time. We went to Vegas and while I missed him, I realized it made me a better mom to get away for a few days and recharge. With Emmie, I went away for my sister-in-law's bachelorette party when she was three months old. Again, slightly sad, but came back revitalized. With Maeve, I'm surprised we didn't drop her off on the way home from the hospital and hit the airport. Instead, I waited until this past weekend, when she was eight weeks old, to head out for a snowboarding trip in Lake Tahoe.

While I totally shredded it on the mountain, I was also attached to my breastpump 24-7. After Maeve was born, I knew from past experience to start pumping right away to build up a freezer supply of milk. Because she was only eating 2-3 ounces at a time during the early weeks, I could stash another 3-4 ounces away. By the time we left last Friday, I had over 125 ounces -- a five-day supply.

But it's not like I could leave my boobs at home when I went boarding, so my pump made the trip. And it got quite a workout, considering I had to drain the boobs every four hours. The "kachunk, kachunk, kachunk, kachunk" sound it makes was the soundtrack of my trip. Wanna know where I pumped this weekend, in addition to the privacy of my hotel room? An airplane seat, an airport bathroom, a lovely airport nursery at SFO, the car and a hotel common area. All I can say is thank you nursing cover, because a woman pumping is probably one of the most frightening sights out there. Is it a cow? Is it a robot? And what in the hell is she doing squeezing her boobs like that? It's all kinds of sexy.

There's also no sleeping in when you breastfeed, even if your baby is 1,400 miles away. Without fail, my boobs wake me up after five hours. They're all, "Duuuude, it's time to get up." And I'm all, "No, I want to sleep more." And they're all, "Get up now." And I'm all, "Five more minutes." And then they mutiny, turn rock hard and I wake up in a pool of milk. Needless to say, I like to avoid that experience, so I just sigh and get up and pump at 5 a.m. and try to go back to sleep.

We're very lucky in that Josh and I are able to go away for short trips a couple times a year because we have parents who love to spend time with their grandchildren. But now that we've popped out a third child, the logistics are a little trickier. Three is really too much for anyone, well except for their mother and no one cares if I go insane, so we split them up. My parents took Maeve on her own, since she wakes up overnight and requires more intensive care, and Josh's parents took Jack and Emmie together, since they require more of a referee and chauffeur and less nocturnal visits.

We talked to the big kids on the phone every night because someone, who's name rhymes with yosh, loaded a stupid new server something or other on his laptop and for reasons I can't understand, it won't use wireless and a webcam at the same time. So we were forced to rock it old school on a cell phone, which disappointed Jack to the point of tears. Someday, I will tell him all about being forced to use a rotary phone with a cord attached to the wall and pay this crazy shit called "long-distance" to talk to people far away.

As I write this, I am sitting on a plane eagerly awaiting our touchdown in Chicago. While I had a great weekend, the best part of going away is coming home. Seeing Jack and Emmie's little faces light up when we walk in the door makes the early-morning airport craziness all worthwhile. Maeve will probably be nonplussed to see my face, but the sight of my boobs will make her day. She takes after her father that way.

I am vacationing, yet blogging

You know how people who work outside the home (those who actually get PAID for their efforts) get vacation time? And they use it to take time off work and still bring home a paycheck? And usually they do different things on their vacations, not the same things they would be doing AT work?

Stay-at-home moms don't really get that kind of vacation. Oh, well, yes I DID go on that amazing child-free vacation to the Maldives this winter. But that was only 10 days. (Yep, I just said only. I am such an asshole sometimes.) Josh gets four weeks of vacation per year and he works a measly 40 hours per week. Pffft. I work 168 hours per week, without pay, mind you, and I got two weeks. I work four times as much as he does. Therefore, I should be getting 16 weeks off a year.

We spent this last week at the lake in Wisconsin with Josh's family. Let me first say I am incredibly lucky to have a mother and mother-in-law who don't mind getting up early with their grandchildren. My mother-in-law was with us this week and she got up with the kids most of the mornings, giving them breakfast and playing with them so Mommy and Daddy could get a little more sleep. Alleluia.

But even with help, vacations with the kids really aren't vacations. They're just regular life in another location, usually one that is not baby-proofed. We're still wiping butts, cleaning up spilled Cheerios, refereeing fights over toys and giving timeouts. But this week we got to do all of that with fresh air in our lungs and in a bedroom we're sharing with our 3-year-old. Oh and I did it with the added bonus of not being able to physically pick anyone up because of that pesky cerclage and its restrictions on lifting. Do you know how effective it is to send your kid to timeout without actually carrying him there? I can tell you, not very effective at all.

We're headed home tomorrow and I will be glad to get back. We're been away for nine days total because we stayed with my parents before we went to the lake. It's always nice to get away, but even nicer to come home. Home to our regular toys, our regular beds and our regular routines.

Now I am off to start planning an anniversary trip for the end of the month. Because after all this family time, I need a vacation. I guess Josh can come, too. If he promises I won't have to do the same wife stuff I have to do at home.

The long-awaited trip report

I know, I know. I promised a full trip report. But somehow I can't seem to get past "We went on a lot of planes, did some stuff in Dubai, lolled around in the Maldives and came home. The end." Somehow, I think that's not what people are really looking for.

We started with a seven-hour flight to London, followed by a five-hour layover in the new Terminal 5 at Heathrow. It is brand-spanking new and pretty cool. We found a big couch and slept for a few hours while we waited for our flight to Dubai. Then we flew another seven hours to Dubai, arriving close to 11 p.m., which put us in our hotel room 22 hours after we left home. We slept and woke up early the next morning, all out of sorts because of the time difference (10 hours from Chicago).





We spent the morning doing a bus tour of Dubai, which was really cool. Saw a bunch of mosques and souks (markets) and learned a lot about the history of the country, one of the richest per capita in the world. After the bus tour, we grabbed some lunch then headed back to our hotel to pick up our bags and meet our driver for the desert safari. We drove out to the desert in a Land Rover with two other people (an Italian dude and a Polish chick) and met up with a larger posse of 4x4 vehicles. After snapping some pictures in the dunes, we took off in the trucks on the dunes.



To tell you I was carsick was an understatement. I was in a cold sweat, my nails digging into the palms of my hands while I kept my eyes focused squarely on the truck in front of us at all times. It was like being on a roller coaster, but not. It was truly the worst experience of my life. When we stopped halfway through, I looked at Josh and told him I would never, ever do anything like this again and the only reason I even agreed to it in the first place was because a friend recommended the tour to him and I didn't want to ruin his trip.

Then the Italian guy, who spoke barely any English, decided he wanted to sit in the front seat so he could take pictures. Backseat and carsickness do not mix and I had to restrain myself from screaming in his face that NO I WOULD NOT SIT IN THE BACK. Josh tried explaing I was sick, but the dude had no clue and jumped into the front seat. Alllllrighty then. I somehow managed to keep the contents of my stomach inside my body and we made it to the camp. But before we did anything else, we tried our hands at sandboarding (just like snowboarding, but 100 times slower) and riding camels before we had a traditional dinner and show.



We ate a bunch of great food -- the lamb was to die for -- and watched a belly dancer and then left. The driver had agreed to drop us at the airport, so we waited a few hours for our 12:35 a.m. flight to Qatar. Our flight to Doha was an hour and then we had a 35-minute layover before our four-hour flight to Male, the capital of the Maldives. We arrived at 9 a.m. local time and were met at the arrivals gate by Conrad hotel reps who whisked us away to their private lounge to wait for our seaplane flight to the hotel.

The lounge was air-conditioned (the airport was not, it was open-air) and they offered us pastries, fruit and juice as well as massages -- all complimentary. After we had relaxed a bit, they told us our flight was ready and they drove us over to the seaplane terminal on the other side of the airport. Our seaplane was ready and waiting, as was the pilot, who flew barefoot. No cockpit door either -- apparently there's no fear of terrorism in paradise.




The flight was amazing -- we flew low over the water and the many coral atolls and islands that make up the Maldives. I can't even do it justice, except to say the water was more turquoise than I had imagined and the beauty of seeing it from the air was stunning. After a 25-minute flight, the two islands that make up the Conrad came into view and we were landing with nary a bump. I wouldn't have even realized we were in the water if I hadn't seen the splashing outside the window.



Our island host, Jennifer, met us at the dock and escorted us to the reception area. She gave us the lowdown on the resort and then told us our room would be ready in about an hour, so we were welcome to relax at the pool while we waited. We grabbed a quick shower in the fitness center and had just sat down on some beach chairs when she summoned us to say the room was ready.

Our beach villa was ridiculous: private plunge pool under a thatched roof in the back, outdoor shower with rainfall showerhead amongst a bunch of lush green foliage next to the plunge pool, an outdoor bathroom overlooking a fountain and the huge bedroom with 20-foot ceilings and doors leading out to a private patio and the beach beyond. I was stunned by how big it was. It had definitely been remodeled recently with a flat-screen TV, iPod docking station and high-quality linens.



We spent the rest of the afternoon napping and hanging out at the beach before heading to the Wine Bar for a wine and chocolate tasting. We chatted with another couple from the UK and a girl visiting from Russia. The sommelier was really cool and we sat there and talked to him after the others had left for quite some time. He was a native of Maldives and has worked at the Conrad for three years and another resort before that. We got to talking about the tsunami and he told us there was no damage to that island because of the reef surrounding it, but that he was working at another hotel in the north at the time and a co-worker of his died afer saving a 3-year-old hotel guest. Very sad.

Because of the time change, we were exhausted, but up at the crack of dawn the next morning. In fact, we never slept later than 8 a.m. the entire time we were there, although there were a lot of naps logged.




Most of the days consisted of hanging out at the beach or the pool, reading and relaxing, or snorkeling. We ate breakfast at Vilu (the restaurant/bar on the other island where the overwater bungalows were located) all but one day. Vilu was the better of the two options as it was made-to-order food (the other option, Atoll, was buffet) and you could even have complimentary champagne every morning. Josh had steak and eggs a few times, while I enjoyed their eggs benedict. We usually ate a late enough breakfast that we skipped lunch, but then hit the Happy Hour from 5-6 p.m. Free drinks? Yes, please!



In keeping with the relaxation theme of the trip, I made three trips to the spa. It was amazing and I was glad I was able to spread out a few treatments. The second day on the island, we received a discount on an hourlong couples package consisting of a foot treatment, Thai massage, body scrub and scalp massage, so we both took advantage of that. Josh isn't crazy about spas, but I think he enjoyed it after I made him go. I also went back for a 60-minute Swedish massage later in the week and it came with a free mini-facial which I did the next day. The Swedish massage was easily the best I have ever had in my life, and I was sad I couldn't get another one before leaving.

We tried each of the restaurants and found the food to be good and not as outrageously priced as we though it would be. Dinner ran us about $100 per night for the two of us, including drinks. Most nights I was so exhausted I could barely make it through the entrees, but it was amazing to sit outside, overlooking the ocean for all of our meals. We also ordered room service one night and ate on our deck at sunset. Unbelievable.




The snorkeling was unbelievable. The guy working at the dive center told us to head to the other side of the island, look for the sign for Room 225 on the beach and then head out to the pink buoy for the best snorkeling. It didn't disappoint. Because I am a big baby and don't really know how to swim, I wore a life jacket and felt quiet comfortable. We saw reef sharks and Nemo fish and about 30 different varities of colorful fish and coral.



We were able to see all those same things when we went to Ithaa, the world's only undersea restaurant. At 4 meters under the ocean, it affords a view of the fish and coral that is amazing. One of the staff members told us that when Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were honeymooning there, they wanted to book a private dinner at the restaurant, but because it was fully booked, they offered to let them have it to themselves at 11 p.m. That wasn't good enough for Mr. Movie Star and he stomped off the island and didn't come back. So now I've eaten somewhere TomKat hasn't.



Halfway through the trip, we were upgraded to an overwater villa and we were really excited about that. The staff moved all of our stuff for us and when we walked into the bungalow, I almost fell over. The floor-to-ceiling windows covered two walls and looked right out over the ocean. The bathroom was the size of our living room at home. But the ridiculousness went to a whole other level when you saw the private jacuzzi sunk into the deck and the stairs leading down to the ocean. We swam and snorkeled right off our steps and hung out in the hot tub at night, looking at the stars and listening to music. Definitely the most amazing hotel experience I have ever had.



There was wireless available in all the rooms, so Josh was never disconnected from his precious Internet for a moment, which also made it easy to use Skype to talk to the kids every day. That made it a lot easier for me to be away for 10 days. I definitely missed them, but never so much that I felt like I wanted to come home. But at the end of the trip, I was definitely anxious to see them again.

Our last night there, we took a sunset cocktail cruise on a huge sailboat. It was just us and one other couple. The champagne was free-flowing and the canapes were quite tasty. We saw dolphins and a great sunset -- the perfect ending to our trip.



We left very early the last morning, as our flight to Dubai, via Doha, was at 9:30 a.m. We were sad to put shoes back on -- you literally don't wear shoes anywhere at the resort, even the restaurants have sand floors -- and leave the good life behind. When you get used to someone offering to wipe your sunglasses and bringing you fruit at the pool, it's hard to go back to the reality of winter coats and wiping two butts every day. But back to reality we went.

On the way home, we again stopped in Dubai for a night. This time, we spent the evening at the Burj Al Arab, the world's only seven-star hotel. Oh my holy hell, was it cool. The opulance and grandeur were amazing and the drink prices reflected that. We walked out of the Sky View Bar $150 lighter, but with an amazing experience under our belts.



We left Dubai early in the morning and after a three-hour layover in London, returned home 24 hours later. I was tired, but so excited to see the kids, I almost ran the last four blocks home. I walked in the house and Jack stared at me in disbelief, and then with a huge smile ran and jumped on me, hugging me tightly. Emmie was a little more reserved, but seemed equally pleased to have us home. Jack didn't let me out of his sight for the next two hours before bed, and spent the next few days hugging me. Of course, then he was back to being 3 in no time at all.

So there you have it. I know I left a ton of details out, but this is about as good as it gets after being home alone with the kids for three straight days while Josh works in Bloomington.

Because we haven't traveled enough, we decided we needed a vacation with the kids, so we're departing for Florida tomorrow afternoon. We have a date with Mickey then a few days at the beach, including a Spring Training game featuring the Cardinals.

So more light posting this week and then back on track, finally.

Back, rested, yet exhausted

Jetlag is still kicking my ass, five full days after we arrived home from our trip. Combined with a mystery sore throat/life-sucking illness that has struck both Josh and me, I have had little time to do anything other than parent and sleep.

I swear to God I will have a trip report tomorrow, but for now, let this tide you over: It was awesome. We relaxed. We had cocktails. We got some sun. We enjoyed ourselves immensely.

Bet on it

For a SAHM I sure go on vacation a lot don't I? Spoiled brat, you're probably thinking. But it's because I am a SAHM that I need vacations. Have you ever spent four straight days wiping snot off every surface of your house and both your kids? You did? And you didn't go to Vegas afterward? Well you should lodge a formal complaint.

So anyway, we're here for Josh's work meetings and then we're sneaking in a trip to see our friends in San Francisco over the weekend, with a stop in Napa.

You know what's the most annoyong part about traveling without the baby? I still have to get up and pump. So there I was this morning, 7 a.m., wide awake and kachunk-kachunk-kachunking along.

I'm going to the pool now. To read. With no sand toys or life jackets or splashing or cries of having to go home so we can pee in the potty.

Continued travels

We shook all the sand out of our swimsuits, rinsed off all the sunscreen, packed up the car and left the lake today.




But our tour of Wisconsin is not over yet! Because the drywall is being installed at home, it's too dusty to take the kids there. So we went to my parents this morning, where the wee children were scheduled to stay for the weekend anyway so Josh and I can celebrate our anniversary and attend Lollapalooza. I believe the traditional gift for four years is Radiohead tickets, no?

Cheese, bratwurst and mosquitoes await

We're taking off for a couple of weeks of family vacation in beautiful Wisconsin, beginning this weekend. While my house is reconstructed, I will be dousing myself with citronella bug spray and stuffing myself silly with s'mores and learning how to water ski.

I plan to blog here and there, but not on an everyday schedule. Unless I feel like it. Because spending that much quality time with our families might drive me to hide in the closet and type quietly of my angst so I don't lose my damn mind. I say that in the most loving manner possible, of course.

Enjoy the rest of your July, kids.

I love New York

Josh and I are off to New York. We are once again sticking the kids with Grandma and Grandpa and jetting off for a weekend away. This time, we'll be hitting Buddha Bar and SoHo House for good friend (and longtime reader) Ed. Yes, we're trendy like that. I'll have a full report next week, if Blogger ever deems me worthy of publishing again.

That's a cactus

I totally forgot to tell y'all that we were going on vacation! To Phoenix. With the childrens. And the whole fam.

So here we are in Scottsdale where it's nice and sunny and warm. Ha ha to all you suckas in the cold climates. It's nice to go without a jacket and Jack was really confused this morning and kept trying to pull his short sleeves down on his arms.

Emmie is a trooper and slept the whole time at the airport and on the plane. Jack didn't nap. And was awake for 12 hours. But didn't throw any tantrums and was super well-behaved. Despite the two-hour delay at O'hare while we waited for a pilot coming from Dallas. Who never came. So they got a new one after all the waiting. Do you like these sentence fragments?

But that's neither here nor there. We arrived and we're going to see some baseball and soak up some sunshine. The kids will get to swim, but lord knows nobody wants to see my postpartum ass in a swimsuit so I think I will watch from the side.

By the way, there is nothing more depressing than shopping for warm-weather clothes at seven weeks postpartum. UGH.