Maeve: One month

Dear Maeve,

In the year before you were born, a lot of people followed an exercise plan called the "30-Day Shred." I am proud to report that your first month did not almost kill me like the exercise plan does most people. Instead, it was an awesome month spent getting to know you, the newest member of our family.

You came out on your own terms, a day before you were set to be evicted, and have continued to set the pace since then. You sleep well and eat well and generally go with the flow.



Your favorite thing is to be held. If someone is holding you, whoa boy, the sleep records you can set. You came home from the hospital sleeping six hours overnight and for that, Mommy is so thankful. You don't do it every night, but enough to make me not want to tell anyone about it, lest the karma bite me in the butt. Your personal best record was seven straight hours, but you did it sleeping on my chest, so I'm not sure if that really counts because I slept fitfully in mostly 15-minute increments. Since you sleep so well when you're held, we tend to hold you, well, all the time. Hence the reason you sleep approximately 22 hours per day.

If you're not sleeping, you usually have a boob in your face. The breastfeeding got off to a rocky start when you decided you weren't going to latch on properly and instead wanted to do it your own way. The way that caused massive pain, cracking and bleeding for Mommy. You'd think being my third baby, my boobs should be totally conditioned and a little latch problem wouldn't make a difference. You would be wrong. So we enlisted the help of a pro-fesh-ional lactation consultant, who gave me permission to use a nipple shield, pump and give you bottles for a few days and prescribed the magic Jack Newman's nipple cream. The cream worked it's mojo, you didn't starve or need formula and the nipple shield stuck around for about three weeks.



We're finally to the point where I don't wince and dig my fingernails into the nearest hard object when you latch on, so hopefully the breastfeeding will be smooth sailing from here on out.

Your first month was a little bit of a learning curve for everybody in the family. Mommy was figuring out how to get enough sleep and feeding you through the pain, while Daddy was trying to get to know you and spend time with Jack and Emmie while generally playing the role of Mr. Mom. Speaking of your big brother and big sister, they have adjusted pretty well to your entrance into the world.



Emmie is so curious about everything you do. When she hears me get up in the morning, she runs to the bottom of the stairs and yells, "Baby? Baby!" She loves to watch you eat and constantly gives you kisses. She runs around looking for blankets for you and at the slightest peep, she runs to me and wants me to come and pick you up. She also loves to hold you on her lap and calls you "Mafe."




Jack is so gentle and loving with you, it's hard to believe he's the same kid who can turn around and whack Emmie 10 seconds after he kisses you on the head. You are the first person he asks about when he comes in the door from school and he loves to crawl up next to me while you are eating and gently stroke your head. Tonight, when Grandma asked him if he is gentle with you, he replied, "Grandma, I do not hit Maeve, just Emmie." All right then. Guess you have an ally for life.

Your first month also found you opening Christmas presents and ringing in the New Year. Your Daddy is really excited to finally have a December baby and thanks you for the tax implications. It was weird to have such a little baby at the holidays, and it made Mommy a little crazy because it's also the germiest time of the year and I didn't want anyone touching you and contaminating you, so I kept you safely ensconced in the sling at every gathering.



Now that you are here, I can't imagine how we ever got by without you. Your sweet little face, your huge dark eyes, your little snort when you are really pissed off and hungry, your long skinny legs and penchant for sleeping with your hand next to your cheek -- everything about you is perfect. I had no idea what you would look like, act like or even what sex you would be, but you have exceeded every expectation I had. You are my sweet second daughter, my littlest girl, my Miss Maeve.

Love,
Mommy

Exponential fun

On several occasions this fall, Emmie spent a few days by herself at one of the grandparents' houses. Not because I like outsourcing her care, but because it was easier for everyone when I was unable to lift her or when we didn't want her to contract the Swine Flu of death. And hell, it was nice to only be responsible for one kid who is gone six hours per day and can take a shower on his own.

Jack was promised his own visits with the Grandmas when he had school vacation, and this week, he cashed in on one of those promises. He was spoiled rotten while Emmie and Maeve had sister time with mommy and daddy. Emmie was pissed and missed her brother dearly, so she was pleased as punch when he returned home this afternoon.

You would think that the addition of the third child would only raise the level of craziness in the house by a third, but you would be severely underestimating that. I am pretty sure that Jack's homecoming ratcheted up the crazy by at least 150 percent.

There was screaming and laughing and crying and tantrums within the first hour, and that was just mommy. The kids were even more insane.

Poor Maeve had just gotten used to the slightly quieter atmosphere -- I say slightly because Emmie can throw a tantrum with the best of 'em -- and now it's pandemonium again.

I am too tired to come up with a witty wrap up to this post, so we'll just abruptly end there. Sort of like my sleep schedule these days.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am currently trying to recover from bathing two children while the third one screamed bloody murder. The screamer is paying me back with a non-stop nurseathon going on three hours. And yes, I typed this entire post with one hand. Anything for you my readers, anything.

The whole fam-damily

Jack and Emmie met Maeve today. They were so excited they could barely contain themselves.



Maeve was the gracious newcomer, not interrupting or talking too much about herself. Emmie greeted her with inquisitiveness about her background, where she grew up and tried to shove a hat on her head after politely shaking her foot rather than her hand. Jack wholeheartedly welcomed her with kisses and handshakes before showing her who was boss with a few ill-timed, mostly harmless whacks. He blamed her for his unfortunate incarceration in his room.

There were sibling gifts exchanged, which always breaks the ice, and everyone wondered how Maeve knew Jack liked Diego and Emmie liked babies. Maeve was pleased to receive her rattle and lovey, and asked how they could have known she needed both.

We're a five-family now. Let the fun begin.

Reliving his good old days

Let me give you parents of more than one child a little advice: it might seem like a good idea to send one of your children off to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for a few days so you can give one of your other children some undivided attention. That would actually be a HORRIBLE idea.

Don't get me wrong, while you only have the one child, you will have life so easy you would encourage the grandparents to keep the other child a little longer. You will relax at the playground instead of hyperventilating because you have lost sight of a child -- you only have one to watch, how could you possibly take your eyes off him? You will let the child in your care choose the activities and meals and just about everything else because there's no one to fight with over who does what and when.

But then the other child will come home. And you will be overjoyed to have the other child home. Except you will be the only one who feels that way. The child who spent the last few days reliving his only-child past will be pissed. Very, very pissed.

The behavior in my house this last 36 hours has been off-the-charts horrible. Pushing, shoving, hitting, tantrums and fits. Poor Emmie. Welcome home sister dear, let me show you how much I missed you with a shove to the ground where you hit your head on the hardwood floor and cry for 10 solid minutes.

School starts Monday. Oh thank you all that is right with the world, school starts on Monday. Emmie shares my views. She'll just be the one sporting her bike helmet for the rest of the weekend in case Jack gets any urges to introduce her to the floor again.

The news he didn't want to hear

As of this weekend, Jack was still blissfully unaware of the news that his mother is with child again. I was trying to wait a few months so as not to incur a daily version of "Is the baby coming today?" for the next six months. But we had been talking about pregnancy and whatnot in front of him, thinking he didn't really know what that meant.

But then people kept asking him if he was going to be a big brother, which would result in him looking at them like they were nuts because DUH, he is already a big brother.

When I first knew I was pregnant, I wanted to feel him out about the situation, so I casually asked him what he thought about babies over lunch one day.

"What baby? Emmie?" he asked.

"No, like a new baby. What do you think of new babies?" I asked.

"I no like babies," he said. Allllrighty then.

Last week, I was telling him about my friend's new baby and he smiled and asked me when the new baby was coming to live at our house. I asked him why he thought a new baby was coming to live at our house and he just smiled some more. This kid is nothing if not perceptive.

So we spilled the news to him this weekend. It was raining and cold, we were stuck inside at the lakehouse where he stared forlornly outside and randomly had tantrums. I mean what better setting to ruin his life?

I told him that I had a secret to tell him, so he of course stopped cold while trying to squirm away from me and roll down a flight of stairs. He was all ears and I told him that Mommy had a baby in her tummy and that it would come out at Christmas time.

He smiled and looked at Josh and then at me and asked, "What Daddy have in his tummy?"

I laughed and said nothing, but then Jack corrected me and said Daddy had food in his tummy. Well, yes, that is technically correct. He then asked if he had a baby in his tummy. Again, I said no and he said he had food in his tummy.

He then asked, "I hit that new baby?"

Well then. Apparently it's not Emmie, it's just babies in general. Can't wait for the great terror campaign of 2009 to begin! This time with experience on which to draw upon!

But then we assured him that NO, he would NOT be hitting the new baby and he smiled. He wanted to look at my stomach and I showed him, but told him he can't see the baby when it's in there. He'll see it when it comes out.

And with that, he was satisfied and ran off to tell Grandma there was a baby in Mommy's tummy. Hopefully he won't start filling random strangers in on my reproductive status, but I think he's grasped the concept.

Random bullet-y goodness

I have a jumble of assorted things for all y'all today.

* My heart almost broke with love over this exchange today:
Jack: "Emmie, come and play with me!"
Emmie: (Smiles) "Gah?"
Jack: "Emmie, be silly with me!"
Emmie: (Gets up and runs after him) "Ack! Ack!"
This is what I dreamed off when we decided to have a second child, the two of them playing together and laughing hysterically while I sit on the couch and rest my eyes in peace. Of course this ended five minutes later with him hip-checking her into the couch and her screaming on the floor, but still. Progress.

* For the first time in six weeks, I was not sick nor did I need a nap today. People, this is huge. Not sick? That can't be. I must be dreaming. I know from past experience that this will not be the case tomorrow, but I also know that this is how I start my climb down from the high point of the pregnancy sickness. One day feeling good, one day back to sick. Then gradually it's less sick days until I realize, "Huh, I haven't been sick in like a week."

* It was so hot today at my in-laws' house that I had to bring the kids inside because they were sweaty messes with beet-red cheeks from the heat. It was only in the low 80s. This does not bode well for the summer. I may or may not have been hot and sweaty as well. We are wimps.

* Josh went back to the office today for the first time in a month. (He was serving an in-house suspension because of fears of swine flu at the office.) I shed tears. How the hell am I supposed to go back to parenting these children by myself all day? Not to mention, it was nice to be able to say, "I'm out of here" at naptime and go amuse myself for an hour. If I do that now, child services comes to visit.

* You know how they tell you never to clean your child's ears with a Q-tip? They aren't kidding. Usually I just try to get the outside part of Jack's ear, buuuuuuut tonight he flinched when I was doing it and there was actual screaming and crying on his part. Then some crying on my part, because I felt so awful. Of course, Josh was standing right there. "You're not supposed to do that." Thanks Captain Obvious, I freaking know that. Jack seems fine now, but I'll check his pillow tonight to make sure the remnants of his ear drum have not leaked out.

Nice change of pace

For all the time I spend pissing and moaning about how awful the sibling relations are in this house, I need to share some good news as well. For the last week, Jack has really calmed down. We have had several days without any hitting or violence at all. We've had lots of sharing and playing nicely and tickling and kisses.

I'm not sure what precipitated this change. It could be the spankings I administered (I jest! No spanking here.) or the change in the weather, allowing us to get outside and get a lot more fresh air. It could be him chilling out a little or me paying more attention to everyone and heading off negative energy before it manifests itself as a problem.

I don't mind saying I don't know what changed. But I am thrilled and pleased with the way things are going.

You can check out my soon-to-be-published parenting book, "How to Get Your Kid To Stop Hitting His Sister Without Knowing What You Did," at a bookstore near you soon. It will include little gems like, "Offer a special snack if he withdraws his hand from a fist" and "Go to the park, even if it's raining, if you suspect aggression is running high."

Best-seller, for sure.

Again with the violence

I am sure everyone is sick of reading about my aggressive kid and his penchant for abusing his sister, but god damn, I am sick of watching it happen.

Today's event involved a toy train and her nose followed by six tissues worth of blood, a bottle of Oxyclean and 15 minutes of tears. Also, a serious timeout. I don't care what the "experts" say; when he hits, he sits. That's my new motto.

I told my mom if it was Josh or I inflicting this kind of abuse, they would take our kids away from us. It's not a joke -- I can't let this continue.

The sight of blood didn't even faze him. He looked a little confused, but he certainly didn't look contrite. I just don't know what to do with this anymore. I guess hope he grows out of it before he inflicts any serious injuries. Or that she learns to wallop back. Though I know I will rue the day she does that because then I'll be refereeing fights instead of sending one to timeout and hugging the other.

The poor thing. Her fever finally broke last night and she had her appetite back today and then he practically breaks her nose. The good news is that I will be able to hide her bruise behind a surgical mask and everyone will just suspect swine flu instead of sibling abuse.

That would explain the aggression...

Today I was sitting on the couch downstairs while the kids were playing. Jack threw himself onto my lap and hugged me. Emmie crawled over to investigate and pulled herself up on the couch with a huge smile on her face, causing Jack to freak the hell out.

"No Emmie!" he yelled. "That Jack's mommy!"

Surprised, I quickly said, "No, I am Emmie's mommy too. I am Emmie AND Jack's mommy."

He fired back, "Love only ONE kid. No love Emmie. Love Jack."

What? How on earth does a 3-year-old make that leap?

I said, "No, I love you both. I love Jack and Emmie."

That would explain his loving and respectful treatment of her. Ahhhh, the joys of sibling rivalry have begun early for us. At least he's not trying to sell her on the Internet. Yet.

Emmie: Twelve months

Dear Emmie,

Hooray! It's finally the big day, your very first birthday! A year ago you hadn't joined our family yet and now here you are like you own the place. You have changed all of us in so many ways -- all of them good -- and I am incredulous every day at the little girl you have become. If you don't believe me, just take a look at the pictures I took of you every day for the last year to see how much you have changed.



A year ago I was still pregnant, thinking I had several more days before you were going to make your appearance. But you had other plans and in a complete reversal of your personality, you took charge and decided you were coming out 12 days ahead of schedule. That might have been the last time you ever imposed your will on me, because since your birth, you have been pretty much the most laidback kid I know.

That laidback attitude was evident this last month when it came to your attempts at walking. You are so content to just walk along the furniture and then let go and stand totally still. You can balance now for 30 seconds or more on your own, but if you want something, you gracefully plop down on your butt and crawl on over to whatever it is that has captured your attention. We have tried to get you to take a few steps, but you either throw yourself in the direction of the other person or you get jello legs and crumple to the ground laughing. I think you're really close to walking, though, and it won't be more than a couple of weeks before you do.



Your first birthday was almost marred by a case of the stomach flu, but you rallied and seem to be fine today. Yesterday you threw up for the first time and it was a shock to me, as I came into your room after naptime to find you in three puddles with vomit all over your clothes and in your hair. But true to form, when you saw me, you laughed and clapped. The world's happiest sick child. But it appeared to be a one-time thing and after several rounds of pedialite, you were fine and back to normal by this morning. Of course you developed a runny nose and a case of the Mommy Clings today, so there's probably a cold on your horizon.

This past month also gave you your first taste of presents. Your Christmas was fun and full of gifts, but like most kids, you were much more interested in the wrapping paper and bags than the toys and clothes. Your brother was more than happy to both unwrap all your gifts and play with all the toys on your behalf. That's brotherly love for you.



The relationship with your brother continued to be a little sketchy this past month. You really like to watch what he's doing at all times, getting right up with him and looking at toys or books. Unfortunately, he's not so into that and he tends to deal with it by hitting, pushing or kicking you. I have resorted to telling him not to touch you at all because he can't seem to find a way to be nice to you lately. I know this too shall pass, but some day when you ask why we let him abuse you, please know we gave him timeouts each and every time he hit you. Really. But there have been some good times between the two of you, mostly at mealtimes when the two of you sit in your chairs and make each other laugh. You love to watch him and he loves to say silly things and make you giggle. The best thing right now is how much he loves to come upstairs when you wake up from your nap. He hears you on the monitor and when I say we're going to go up and get you, he runs up the stairs and throws the door open and yells, "Gooooood morning Emmie!" and climbs up on the rail of your crib and pats your hands. You smile like a ray of sun and laugh and I stand watching the two of you from the doorway, content to know that you do have some parts of your relationship that are working and free from violence.



Perhaps things will get even better when you can talk, so you can express your feelings to him. For now, you are a pretty complex babbler. You can say just about all the range of babble sounds from bababa to mamama to dadada to rarara to wawawa and many more. We're trying to teach you a few signs -- notably "more" and "all done" -- but so far you just think we're really funny when we do them.

You are still nursing twice a day at this point, soon to be weaned. We have a little vacation coming up in two weeks, so you'll probably be fully weaned sometime around then. For now, you are still nursing in the morning and at night, and you get two bottles of whole milk during the day. You are not a fan of the milk and it takes some cajoling to get all 5 ounces down. I tried to get you to move right to a sippy cup with the milk, but you were so violently opposed to the milk itself, I figured I might get a better response by at least letting you drink it from a bottle. Hopefully as you get used to it, you'll stop fighting it so much. But thankfully your dairy intolerance is gone. You now eat cheese and yogurt and drink milk, all without problems. That's great news for your weight gain, as you should be porking up nicely in the coming months with all that fat and calories in your diet. You're still pretty adventurous when it comes to eating, and your favorites are turkey sandwiches, pita and hummus, chicken, peas and avocado, but you won't eat bananas anymore unless we mush them up in a bowl.



The fun part about your eating, however, is that you have entered the stage where when you are done, you just fling it on the floor. So one second you're grooving on your little pieces of avocado and the next, you're launching them across the room like you're throwing out a runner at second base. Even your brother knows throwing food is not cool and is quick to point it out to me when you start doing it. I know this is a stage that does not quickly die out, so I am not looking forward to months of telling you, "No throw!"

What I am looking forward to is more sleep. In the last month, you gradually gave up your last nightwaking at 4 a.m. and started sleeping through the night for 12 straight hours. We put you to bed at 7:30 p.m. and are greeted with pleasant chatter and your crib soother music at 7:30 a.m. We go in to get you and are greeted with a huge smile and outstretched arms. I knew you would get here eventually, and I couldn't be more excited about this development. There are some rare times where I miss our middle-of-the-night co-sleeping, but mostly I enjoy the ability to sleep on my right side whenever I want. And you sleep so much better in your own crib, that it's the best situation for all of us.

People always make such a big deal over the first birthday. There's cake and parties and presents and pictures. Tonight you had presents and cake, although you could have cared less about the presents and cried when you ate your cake. Apparently we could have given you a jar of veggies and you would have been much happier. But you can try again tomorrow at your big birthday bash. But looking back, there has been so much to celebrate this past year, it seems silly to celebrate it all on one day. You have brought joy and sunshine to our lives each day. There is not a single minute that goes by that I am not thankful for you. You are a joy to be around. Watching you learn new things is so much fun, I see things from your perspective and learn new things myself. One of your favorite games is to give us a toy and then have us say thank you and give it back to you. Every time we give it back it's like you've never experienced such generosity and you get so excited. I love to see that joy in your eyes and I hope it is there for the rest of your life. You have brought me such joy and happiness and I genuinely like the little person you have become. You are a social little girl who seems very concerned about others. I think this will serve you well in the years to come.



I love you so very much and want only the best things for you. This past year has been an incredible journey and your second year is going to be even better. Thank you for being such a fabulous little girl. We couldn't ask for a better daughter and sister.

Love,
Mommy

(Just want to throw a note out there for all the readers... Could you please leave a comment for Emmie on this post? Even you lurkers out there -- you can make it your first comment! I am going to print out the post and comments for her babybook, and it would be great to have all the comments for her too!)

Nobody touch anybody

This has been a tryng week in the sibling relations category. Jack has been especially aggressive with Emmie and it's wearing on everyone's nerves. Lucky for me, Josh is home this week so he's been able to share in the fun.

Filed under "things I never thought I would say to my almost-3-year-old":
* You sister is not a road. Stop driving your trucks on her head. She doesn't like it.

* Stop touching Emmie. No, I mean it. Not at all, ever again. Never.

* When you head-butt your sister, it hurts her and makes her cry.

* Emmie doesn't like it when you close the toybox on her. And neither does Mommy.

* You know what? You are not watching Elmo tonight. In fact, you are not watching anything for the rest of your life. That was NOT NICE.

His response to any or all of these was to laugh and do more of the same. There's been a lot of timeout around here the last few days. Also, a lot of crying on Emmie's part. And a lot of whining on Mommy's part. And a lot of sighing on Daddy's part. We're just a fun bunch to be around. Who wants a playdate?

So we're going to start a star chart. Good behavior earns stars, bad behavior gets them taken away. If you don't have enough stars in the good column at the end of the day, you don't get to watch a video. Just to be clear, this is for Jack. I do not, contrary to what Josh thinks, need to earn my TV time.

If you've done something similar, can you give me any advice on how to implement this?

Emmie: Eleven months

Dear Emmie,

We're almost there! You turned 11 months old today, which means we're officially in your 12th month, which means you are officially freaking me out with how fast you are growing up. Please slow down, just for this month, mkay?



What a crazy last month it has been for you, too. Your mobility has increased greatly, with you speed-crawling on all fours and cruising upright around the furniture. You've started to let go and balance for a few short seconds as well, so we're convinced it won't be long before you're taking those first steps. Your newfound abilities mean I can't take my eyes off you for a second anymore because if I do, you inevitably start eating road salt off our boots in the front hall or trying to lick your brother's potty seat in the bathroom or climbing up the stairs by yourself. If only I could put your growing independence to good use for things like folding laundry, we'd be in business.

A lot of that laundry I speak of consists of your bibs because you really get into your eating. This past month you started feeding yourself more and more and I would say you're eating about 90 percent tablefood now. You will eat pretty much anything we put in front of you, which is amazing to us because we had the ultimate picky eater in your brother, so the idea of a baby actually eating peas or banana in real-people form is mind-blowing. You love scrambled egg yolks, pancakes, hummus and pita bread, almond butter or turkey sandwiches and rice cheese. Peas and carrots are a big hit and I think you might actually lose consciousness when you see the wrapper for a cereal bar. You get so excited that you kick your legs and wave your arms and generally make excited noises until you get the first bite in your little mouth. You haven't had any dairy products directly yet, but you seem to be tolerating me eating more cheese and ice cream, so I have high hopes that we can introduce dairy next month with little problem.



You're still breastfeeding four times during the day and once or twice overnight. While I am looking forward to starting the weaning process next month, I am also feeling a little conflicted about it. I am not sure how we will eliminate these nightwakings you are so fond of without the boob to soothe you back to sleep. I was all ready with the cry-it-out earlier this month and you even slept through a few times, but then the illness train stopped at our house and it all went to pieces.



Earlier in the month, you were fighting off a cold that was mostly a runny nose. I thought you had kicked it, but it came back within a week. That time it also brought multiple wakeups in the middle of the night and a fever. When you came down with what looked like a mottled rash, I took you in to the doctor and they said it was a double ear infection. They gave you some Amoxicillin and you were good as new. Until a week had gone by and you were covered in a rash that made you look like a leper. I took you back to the doctor and he said, after one look at you, that it was a classic penicillin allergy. But your ears were all clear, so we were A-OK. Until the next week, when multiple night wakings, green snot and a fever once again made an appearance. Yet another trip to the doctor confirmed another double ear infection. I am really hoping this means we're getting all your sicknesses out of the way early in the winter and you won't have any later on.

Your illnesses made you a little cranky, but you were pretty much still your sunny little self. Even when you had a fever, you were always happy to smile and play with your toys and you even learned how to play peek-a-boo at the pharmacy while we waited for your prescription. Now that's what I call a good patient. You also still wanted to play with your brother, despite your sickness and the fact he pretty much makes your life not very fun right now. Ever since you learned to stand and reach for things, he has tried to protect his turf by pushing you down. He could spend half the day in timeout for all his aggressiveness toward you, so if you ever want to get back at him for this when you are older, you have my permission. He does love you, which he demonstrates by hugging you and kissing you and trying to share his food with you. But things are a little rough in the sibling relations department right now. I know they will get better and then worse and then better again. It's the ebb and flow of a family, I guess.



Even when Jack is trying to keep you down, you are such a sweet girl. You love to play with cars and trucks, but I am guessing that's because those are the toys that are always around. You love your dinosaur that you can put balls in and have them come out different holes. You're really into putting things into other things and taking them out again. You still love banging on your little piano and playing with a chunky magnetic puzzle. But mostly your favorite thing is to stand at the toybox, reach in and grab toys and throw them on the floor. You would do that all day if I let you. Which I don't, because there are too many toys laying around already and I might lose my mind if all of them were on the floor at once.



But even when you do something you're not supposed to, I find it hard to get worked up about it. Compared to the stuff Jack gets in trouble for at almost 3 years old, you touching the fireplace or throwing food on the floor is nothing. In fact, I sometimes just laugh at you when you are doing something you're not supposed to do because you are so not slick about it. When you start crawling over to the fireplace, you laugh and look right at me like, "Wait, watch what I am going to do! It's going to be awesome." Usually you accept your redirection without comment, but occasionally you get worked up about it and howl with indignation. That's when I tend to laugh, because really, when you screw up your little face and yell, it's pretty funny. I know that your indignation won't always be funny, especially when you are telling me again how we are ruining your life by not letting you date when you are 12 years old, but for now, it's totally cute.

My new favorite part of the day is when I go in to get you up. You have taken to standing up in your crib and looking at the door through the bars. When I open the door you get so excited to see me that you start shaking the bars and laughing. It's so nice to be loved so much. But I assure you that my love for you is just as exciting.

Love,
Mommy

Emmie: Nine months

Dear Emmie,

Today, kiddo, you have been outside of me as long as you had been inside of me. Looking at it from the other side, I can tell you the pregnancy sure seemed a lot shorter than this. You have grown and changed so much in nine months, although I guess going from a couple of cells to a complete human being in that same time frame isn't anything to sneeze at either.



This past month has been one of the busiest in terms of development. You learned to stand up at the furniture, crawl and pull yourself up on things. The last two, you performed for the first time within 15 minutes of each other, proving the theory that Mommy can indeed spontaneously combust into flames. I was not ready for the motion part of this picture, and was hoping you would be content to sit and play with your toys for another two years. But you were ready and there was no stopping you. One afternoon you just decided you wanted to play with your piano, which was about two feet away, and you went for it. I cheered for you and clapped and made huge deal about it and you looked up at me as if to say, "What's all the fuss? It's just a piano."

But now that you know how to crawl, you realize that your mobility is somewhat limited. You want to go go go, now now now, faster faster faster. Now that you can crawl, you also want to walk. You're not content to hang out on the floor playing anymore, now you want someone to hold you upright so you can stand. Then you get tired of that and try to squirm away, where you would fall flat on your face if we actually let you twist your arms out of our grasps. It's a furstrating time for you, but this too shall pass.



These frustrations have manifested themselves in a high-pitched screech that only dogs can hear half the time. If you get pissed or don't like what we are forcing you to do -- you know, things like play with a toy you have tired of or spend 1.2 seconds longer in your exersaucer than you deem acceptable, terrible things like that -- you let out this blood-curdling screech that makes me jump out of my skin. It certainly gets my attention, since you used to be such an easygoing baby, and I usually jump to right whatever wrong you feel you are suffering. Which has set a great example for your brother, who has also started screeching to get attention. So thanks for that. Hopefully this phase will end soon and you will go back to your compliant little self.

Your independence has also extended to your diet. You can now feed yourself Cheerios, which you will happily do for several minutes, allowing us time to eat at restaurants without having to hold you or entertain you. But so far, it's the only finger food you have mastered, partly because you only learned to feed yourself about a week ago and partly because I am lazy and haven't given you anything else. You're still quite happy being fed baby food, although we're started to give you purees that are a little chunkier and with more flavors in the hopes of getting you ready to transition to table food in the next few months.



Breastfeeding has been a bit of a struggle these last few weeks. You've hit the age where everything is so interesting that you don't have time to slow down and eat. So you latch on, get in a quick snack for about five minutes, and then you're done. There's no coaxing you, no luring you back to the boob. Once you're done, you're done and if I try to convince you to eat a little more I am met with back-arching, red-faced, arm-waving, screaming displeasure. Which makes for a really pleasant bonding experience. But I know this is something that a lot of babies go through at this age and if you're not getting enough milk, you'll let me know. In the meantime, I offer it up as much as possible and humor you by letting you nurse once during the night. Of course it's this middle-of-the-night feeding that is always your best one because you're sleepy and there are no distractions. We only have three months to go, and I know we can weather this storm and get to my one-year goal. Like it or not, you're stuck with the boob.



You started sleeping through the night about three weeks ago, but I missed out on that fun because Daddy and I were away on vacation for a long weekend. You apparently took pity on Grandma and slept 12 straight hours for her. Of course when I came home, you discontinued that new trick and asked for more boob in the middle of the night. So while you don't sleep straight through, you are only waking up once and you are sleeping in your own crib for the whole night. Which is a pretty good breakthrough.



Now that you're mobile, Jack is starting to realize you are a force to be reckoned with. You can get to his toys, and he's not all that excited about sharing. So in his role as Arbitor of Toy Distribution, he will take something of his from your hands and replace it with something he wants you to play with instead. Usually something boring like a stuffed animal. Now I can't really fault him for replacing a toy, but I tell him he has to learn to share and let you play with the fun toys too. You're also able to follow him around the room now, which is freaking him out. But just this week, he was reading a book and you crawled over to see what he was doing and he "read" you the book. You patted the book and his leg and smiled and it was so nice to see the two of you playing together. I can't wait to see more moments like this. It's just like when the two of you are sitting in the dining room together while I get dinner ready and you make each other laugh. I watch the two of you and realize how awesome it is that you have each other.



Now that your personality is coming out, I am really enjoying hanging out with you. You like to cuddle and touch my face and now when I say "kisses" to you, you smile and lean in and lay a huge open-mouth baby kiss on me. When I go in to get you from your crib, you get a huge smile on your little face and reach your arms up while trying to kick a hole in your mattress because you are so excited. But there is still no one quite like Daddy in your eyes. You wave to him and flap your arms in excitement when you see him. You lunge for him when he enters a room and you always smile biggest for him. Your first word was "dada" and you often say "hi dada" when he's around. While I would like to hear some "mama" sometime soon, I am being patient because you have something different for me. When you see me come into a room, you make a noise that defies description. It's kind of like a whiny grunt. But you only make it when someone else is holding you and you see me. Once I pick you up, you calm down immediately. I'm so glad just being in my arms can make you feel better. I hope someday when you're older you will still feel like that. If someone makes fun of you at school or you fall down and skin your knee or you stick your foot in your mouth saying something stupid (not that I would know anything about how that feels) or you have a bad hair day, I hope a hug from Mommy can make it all better.

Love,
Mommy

Emmie: Eight months

Dear Emmie,

Today is your eight-month birthday. While it doesn't mean you have the right to vote or to drink a beer, it does mean you are now legally allowed to eat Cheerios. I'm not sure that's as momentous as turning 21 and drinking your face off in a bar in some college town, but it will have to suffice for now.



This last month has been pretty busy, what with a family wedding and trips to the lake and the completion of our new downstairs play area.

It's also been exciting because you finally started gaining some weight! Yep, that deserves an exclamation point because it's been a hard road since your six-month checkup revealed you were not gaining properly and were only in the 5th percentile. After we started stuffing you with solids three times a day and sneaking avocado and banana into almost everything, you gained 1.5 pounds in a month, putting you at a whopping 15.9 pounds, which is the 12th percentile. While you still have a ways to go, you are showing good progress, and we've got you eating two jars of food at each meal. I am pretty sure you will retain your thinness for the rest of your life, though, based on the skinny genes you inherited from Daddy. Which should help if skinny jeans ever come back into style. Yes, I just made a terrible pun. You can die of embarassment now.



You certainly won't need to worry about losing weight from all that moving you are doing. Because you're pretty content to not move anywhere. And why would you? If I'm not holding you, then you're sitting on the floor and your brother brings you your toys. You have no need to try to crawl. In fact, you must really not like the thought of crawling on your hands and knees because you scoot around on your butt. You stretch your legs out in front of you and dig in your heels and then pull your butt toward your knees, like some bizarre upright inchworm. You don't move fast, but you do move yourself enough to reach any object that catches your fancy. You also are grooving on the move where you reach for something, realize it's too far away, roll onto your back, roll back onto to your stomach so you've gone forward a few inches and reach out again. With your two modes of transportation, you can get pretty much anyplace you want to be.

You pulled yourself up a few times this past weekend, mostly from a sitting position on the couch with the arm of the couch as your leverage. You also pulled yourself up on Grandma, who was very excited to see such activity. But to be honest with you, I am nowhere near ready for you to crawl. Right now I can put you down on the floor with a few toys and you are right where I left you when I come back. Not that I ever leave the room. No, I am there watching you with both eyes 100 percent of the time. That's why it's so odd that you were able to launch yourself over the side of the bouncy seat in the kitchen last week and I found you hanging upside down with the seatbelt still in place around your waist. Can't fathom how that one happened.



I imagine the bouncy seat fiasco came about because you are getting extremely curious about everything now. You try to grab your food when we feed you, you want all of Jack's toys and you find the teeny tiniest little specks of crud on the floor and study them with interest. Right before you stick them in your mouth. It's so fun to watch you play now because you figure things out. You are starting to see how your toys work and different ways to play with them. You especially like standing up (mostly with our assistance, but sometimes on your own for a few seconds) at your activity table and moving all the buttons and levers and making the lights and sounds come on.


Your days of activity, combined with a little boost of Cry It Out, have resulted in much longer stretches of sleep at night. We've gotten eight straight hours from you several nights in the last week and you've definitely dropped the 11 p.m. feeding. Finally. It only took 7.5 months, but who's counting? The awesome part is that we can now put you down awake in your crib, turn on the sleep machine and the crib soother, and leave the room. Sometimes you fuss for a few minutes, but generally you are content to put yourself to sleep. You wake up once or twice during the night to eat, and I am fine with that for now. You're still breastfed on demand and you've settled in to a schedule where you clamor for the boob about four or five times during the day and a couple times during the night. We put you down for the night at 7 and you wake up for the day around 7:30 a.m. with naps at 9:30 a.m. and 2 p.m. At night, you wake around 1 a.m. and then come into bed with us for the rest of the night where you usually eat about three times. It's a good little schedule that is starting to work for everyone.


Your brother started school this month, just two times a week for two hours, and you seem to notice he is gone. You look around for him, but then are happy to go on about your busines, so you must not miss him too much. But you still adore him as much as ever. He must feel the same way because a few weeks ago, he said, "Love you Emmie" without any prompting from anyone. Just the other night you were sitting on the floor in the bathroom while he was in there and you were laughing these gut-busting giggles at him. Then he started laughing at you laughing, which made you laugh even harder. It brought tears to my eyes because I was so glad to see how happy you make each other. I know someday when you are annoyed with him as a teenager it will be hard to believe, but he will be there for you and you for him all of your lives. I hope you have the kind of relationship your daddy and I have with our siblings, because it's so awesome to have a built-in friend who has to put up with your crap even when no one else will.


This past month also saw your first foray into formal attire when you were the flower girl in Aunt Marnie's wedding. Jack was the ring bearer and he pushed you down the aisle in a little wagon and you two were quite possibly the cutest kids ever. You hung on and smiled and Jack stopped to ham it up for the crowd and everyone oohed and aahed over the two of you. You were so well-behaved and did a great job. But don't get any ideas that it means you get to attend any more weddings. No weddings for you until you are old enough to sit quietly and stay up late. So I guess that would be in about 11 more years. Maybe.


I have a feeling we are the cusp of several developmental changes this coming month and I hope separation anxiety is not one of them. You are still a pretty social baby, once you warm up to people. When you first encounter anyone other than me, Daddy or Jack, you turn your head into my shoulder and play coy. But then you peek out to see them again, and after a few seconds, you start smiling and interacting. The weekend of the wedding we left you with a non-family babysitter for the first time and you did great. You played and ate and slept fine, which was great because know we know if we needed to leave you with a sitter, we could. As always, the best part of leaving you is seeing you again for the first time. It's like you haven't seen me for months and you get your legs pumping and your arms atretching out for me and you make this excited noise that you only make when you see me. And it's the best part of any night out or any trip away. I hope you are always this excited to see me (although I know you won't be) because it's how I feel every time I look at you. I want to pump my legs and stretch out my arms to you and let you know how much I love you.

Love,
Mommy

Emmie: Seven months

Dear Emmie,

Today you are seven months old and I am pretty sure someone somewhere is skipping days on my calendar and not telling me because there is no way that much time could possibly have gone by.



We spent much of the last month on vacation, which coincided nicely with a major remodeling of the house. But as always, you were so laid-back and easy -- no matter where we dragged you. You spent time splashing in the lake, taking boat rides, playing with toys and hanging out with both sides of the family. You went on your first road trip, driving six hours to the North Woods of Wisconsin, and you braved it like a champ. You slept a lot and amused yourself in the carseat and were generally chill.



You started giving us a little baby wave this month, opening and closing your tiny hand, while staring at it in amazement. For a few days it was all you wanted to do, but then you kind of moved on and we get little waves every once in a while now. Just this past week you also started clapping. I wasn't sure you knew what you were doing, but we would clap and say, "Yay Emmie!" and you would stretch your arms out in front of you and start flapping your arms until your hands were clapping. You looked so proud of yourself, which made us laugh and clap even more, which made you laugh and clap more. Hours of entertainment, I tell you.

Your hands are still a source of great amusement to you. Every once in a while, you will be waving your little arms around and catch site of your hand and it stops you in your tracks. You will stare and turn your hand to examine it from every angle and start talking to it. I remember your brother doing the same thing, and it's no less cute the second time around with you.

You are starting to talk quite a bit now. We hear screeching and a lot of "ahhh" and "baaa" and of course, your first real-sounding word was "da." Come on! I am the one who feeds you, gets up with you multiple times a night and doesn't make you cry it out. What about some love for mama? Your daddy was quite proud of himself and said it was clearly because he is your favorite.

I can't dispute that as the evidence is mounting. Whenever you look at him, you smile and wiggle and talk and generally act like a smitten girl. I might be the food source and the one you want in the middle of the night, but if he's in the room while you are awake, I am chopped liver. I think you might be turning into a Daddy's Girl, but we'll see how that works out for you when you're 16 and late for curfew and a boy drops you off outside the house.



The last month was also kind of worrisome. We took you in for your six-month pediatrician visit and they were concerned you weren't gaining enough weight. Apparently, the tall-skinny genes from your father are kicking into full effect. We suspected a little silent reflux, so we gave you Zantac for a few weeks, with no improvement. They wanted to make sure there weren't any underlying issues, so they sent you to see a pedicatric GI specialist. His advice was to start feeding you three or four solid meals per day in addition to breastfeeding on demand. So you went from a little oatmeal with fruit once a day to eating three meals with either banana and avocado mixed in to pump up the fat content. They asked me how committed I was to breastfeeding on a scale of 1 to 10 and I said definitely a 10. I don't want to give you formula if I don't have to, so I am happy to not eat dairy to keep your tummy happy. I am convinced you're just skinny, and they noted you are meeting all your milestones and are such a happy baby, so I am not worrying about it. You'll gain weight on your own pace.



Now that you have mastered sitting up and you can roll to the location of your choice in the room, things are getting interesting with your brother. You are a lot more into toys and inevitably, you both want the same one. I hear a lot of "No, Emmie, no!" coming out his mouth these days. It's mostly him ripping interesting toys out of your hands, which he then substitues with some discarded toy he doesn't want to play with, but every time it happens I feel bad for you because you always look so surprised as if to say, "Wait! What happened?" But you're also starting to become a little more grabby, and he's not so fond of it. Now when you get close enough to him, you usually end up grabbing his shirt or his hair and trying to bring yourself as close to him as possible. I hear a lot of "No touch! No touch, Emmie!" coming from Jack these days -- what I can only imagine is the beginning of years of me saying, "Nobody is touching anybody else, at all, ever again."



Speaking of not doing things ever again, I think sleep falls into that category. As you have for the last seven months, you still refuse to sleep through the night. And you don't wake up to eat just once, or even twice, but four or five times a night. It's gotten to the point I have declared it the new normal. Your GI doctor said once you gain a little weight and start loading up on the calories, you should start to sleep better. I had a hearty laugh at that notion, because I am convinced you will never sleep through the night and someday your poor husband will be getting up multiple times per night to get you a drink of water or a snack.

Your daddy and I spent a few days away from you and Jack recently and by the time the weekend was over, I was really looking forward to seeing both of your little faces. When we arrived to pick you up from Grandma and Grandpa, you were sleeping on Grandma's lap. You stirred a little when you heard my voice and you opened your eyes slightly and when you saw me, your eyes opened wide and you stared at me as if to say, "Is it really you Mommy?" I grabbed you and hugged you and you were so glad to see me. In the coming years, there will probably be tons of moments like this, except you will be all "Mooooooommmmmmm, stop kissing me. My friends are watching." Complete with eye rolls and slumping shoulders. But I will always, always be happy to see you.

Love,
Mommy

So happy together

On our recent vacation to the North Woods, one in which we saw an actual BEAR run across the road in front of us, Jack and Emmie spent some time playing together.

I managed to get their antics on camera. From her reaction, you can tell how much she adores him. I think he's starting to dig her, too.

Emmie: Five months

Dear Emmie,

Can it really be five months already? Didn't I just write your four-month letter, like last week? Are you trying to grow up in fast-forward or is it just me?



Perhaps I just can't remember the last month because I am so tired that it all blended into one long sleepless night. You see, my little wide-eyed wonder, you came home from the hospital loving your sleep and you have slowly evolved into a non-sleeper. You go down for the night somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 p.m., after taking close to an hour to really fall asleep, and you wake up approximately five times between then and 7 a.m. If I didn't let you sleep next to me in my bed, I would truly be a walking zombie. We've taken to letting you sleep in your swing for naps and sometimes even at night; it does the trick and we can get a chart-breaking three uninterrupted hours out of you. But hey, looking on the bright side, all this night-waking is great for the milk supply!



I keep thinking maybe there is some magic bullet for sleep, but I know there's not. You'll do it when you're ready. And when you wake up (at 11, 1, 3, 5 and 7 -- not that I'm keeping track or anything) you truly do want to eat every time. The pacifier doesn't pacify you and you want the boob. So clearly, the breastfeeding is still going well. You are satisfied with it and I decided to hold off with the solids until next month. You've hit a cute stage where you pat me and pull on my shirt and play with my bra strap while you are eating, that is, when you're not pulling off and laying a huge grin on me. Although in the middle of the night, you're all business. You peck at me like a bird until I offer it up and then you just lunge for me and latch yourself on with reckless abandon.

Your new favorite thing to do the last few weeks is crunches. You refuse to lie quietly on the floor now, instead you raise your head and shoulders clear off the rug and also lift your little legs so you're in a V-shape. Then you throw yourself on your side for a minute, then roll back and and start it all again. Sometimes you like to roll over onto your tummy, just for kicks. You've mastered the rolling from tummy to back and you've just starting to go the other way a few times here and there.



I think you and your brother have hit a new level in your relationship this month. Now that you are more interactive, he gets so excited to give you toys and have you hold them or shake them. He wakes up in the morning and always asks, "Emmie? Awake?" and now when he sees you, he says, "Hi Ahhhh-mee!" You of course, adore him. Probably even more now that he's stopped smacking you every chance he gets. Your eyes never leave him when he's in the room and now you smile and coo at him, too.



Your smiles aren't just reserved for your brother though. You literally kick your legs and pump your little arms and actually laugh when you wake up and I come in to get you. But as awesome as your reaction is to me, it's nothing compared to the show you put on for Daddy. Your smiles are the biggest for him and you just adore him. You truly are a daddy's girl these days. Your smile is a whole-body affair, complete with a little shoulder raise that makes it almost look like you're trying to be coy. But you really do light up the room when you are in it.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention your current hairstyle. All the "celebabies" are going to be sporting it in US Weekly this fall. Your blonde fuzz is about three inches long and it sticks straight up from the entire top of your head. No matter how much I try to comb it down, it just pops right back up, so we go with it and it's your signature look now. I know in a few weeks it will probably be too long to stick up and I really will miss it when it's gone.



Your hair is like everything else at this age -- we think it's how it will be forever, and then in the blink of an eye, it changes. Today I was pushing you in a swing at the park and I realized in no time at all, you won't want me to push and you'll be telling me "Emmie do! Emmie do!" But for now, you're content to have me be the center of your world and I am happy to oblige you. You bring such joy to my days -- how can I possibly be upset about something when I see you laugh at your little pink baby, grab her and try to eat her face? Or when you try to shove your entire fist into your mouth and pretty much succeed in doing it? Or when you're sleeping on my lap during your afternoon nap with your little hand pressed against your face, sighing?



There are moments in my day where my love for you just spills over. Not in the overprotective stage-mother kind of way, but I just look down at you and kiss your cute little face and tell you I love you. I can't get enough of you and I am always so excited to see you after I have been gone. Your Daddy and I went to New York for the weekend a few weeks ago and when our plane landed, I could not have been more excited to see you and your brother because I knew your little smile would greet me and make me feel like the luckiest woman on earth. I hope someday you get to experience this kind of love with children of your own, because there is nothing like it in the world.

Love,
Mommy

No baby

This morning I was multitasking by nursing Emmie and reading a book to Jack. Well, I was multitasking until he decided he wanted my undivided attention so he walloped her on the head. Which caused her to startle -- I mean who expects to take a whack to the head when she's minding her own business eating -- and pull off. Which of course resulted in an aborted feeding session and an angry Mommy.

After telling him for what feels like the 4,751st time in the last three weeks that we DO NOT HIT PEOPLE because it hurts them and it makes them sad, he laughed and ran into the kitchen. I was attempting to get Emmie to finish feeding and was watching him through the opening in our two-sided fireplace. Which as an aside, let me tell you, was a great idea because we can see him from almost any place in the living room.

Anyway. He's sitting on the floor on the other side of the fireplace and I can see he's reading a book, but I can't tell which one it is. Suddenly, I realize he is hitting the book and then I hear him saying, "No! Baby! No! Baby!" and every time he hits it he says "No! Baby!"

I get up to investigate and sure as shit, he's hitting a page in one of his books that has pictures of him as a wee baby.

So now he's an anti-babyite. I have no idea what to do with this one.

Back in action

Apparently stay-at-home moms only get a two-week maternity leave. This morning, I returned to duty and took Jack to one of his classes. At 9 a.m. Holy hell that was early, considering Emmie slept in until 10 with Daddy.

But Jack was pleased to have Mommy to himself and it was nice to go run around for 45 minutes. My boobs were killing me when I got back, as Emmie had not eaten since 6 a.m., but hey, I sucked it up.

It doesn't seem possible that it was only two weeks ago that I had a baby. It's like she's been here forever. Jack also thinks the shine is off the apple as he whacked her in the head but good again tonight. But then a few hours later, we all read "Goodnight Moon" together before he went to bed and he was all grins and niceness to her. He just smiled and gently touched her foot and generally played the part of good big brother.

Here's my girl at two weeks:

He's warming up to her

I think he might be starting to like her. Maybe. There was some posing for pictures and he actually offered her his milk and a piece of sandwich yesterday and he only tried to hit her once.

I would call that a success.

In other Emmie news, she's still sleeping a lot. Which is great. But when I say a lot, I mean she slept from 3-8:45 a.m. and while that is awesome and I am SO NOT COMPLAINING, I am teeny tiny bit worried about a breastfed baby sleeping so long at night. Again, NOT COMPLAINING. Just wondering. I also have to wake her every three hours during the day to eat.

I am not used to this not-eating-every-hour thing in a newborn after Jack did just that for what seems like forever and a day. But she's having tons of wet and poopy diapers, so I think she's getting enough to eat. We shall see what the pediatrician thinks at her two-week checkup next Thursday.

Hit me with your best shot

So last we left each other, I was in the hospital recovering and Emmie was a wee one day old. Oh how much has changed.

We came home Friday afternoon and introduced Emmie to her new surroundings. Jack greeted us at the door and seemed excited to see us, proclaiming, "Bee! Bee!" (That's Jack's shorthand for Baby. He is all about saving time by shortening words to one syllable. He has too much going on to talk in full words and sentences, clearly.)

He sat on the couch very nicely with us, posed for some pictures with his new sister and then promptly forgot about her and went about his business.

Whoever had 7:12 p.m. on Day 1 at home in the "First Time Emmie Gets Walloped In Her Noggin" pool is the big winner.

Jack waltzed over to me while I was holding her in the chair and I should have known by the malicious grin on his face what was up. In a split second he had whacked her on the head and she was wailing.

Not wanting to get into a situation where we are punishing him in regards to the new baby, I sternly told him we do not hit people because it hurts them and makes them very sad. Emmie was very sad she got hit and was crying.

I then said to him "Hands are not for hitting, what are hands for?" He has a book about hitting and this is the refrain, with several alternatives on what to do with your hands such as saying hello or waving goodbye.

He ran to get the book and the three of us, Jack, Emmie and I, all read it together.

Since that time he's run the gamut from indifferent to hostile and back again. For the most part, he ignores her and anyone holding her. Yesterday he fell and usually he is all about Mommy when he is hurt. But I was holding Emmie in one arm and offering him a hug with the other and he looked away and went to Daddy instead.

There's been a few attempts at hitting her again and one incident this evening when he might have tried to throw a cell phone at her in the pack 'n play. But he'll also have these awesome moments where he will bring her a bear or kiss her goodnight.

I know he'll come around and this is totally normal. I had a talk with him last night after he tried to shut the refridgerator door on me and said I know things are changing around here and he doesn't have the words to tell us how he is feeling, but that he can't hurt people because it makes them sad.

He looked very solemnly at me and then kissed me. I think he gets it. He just needs a little time.