Trick or germs

We take a break from our regularly scheduled swine flu update to bring you this special Halloween Report. But before we get to that, wanted to update everyone that Jack has joined me in the world of pork and came down with the H1N1 early this morning. Fever of 101, hacking cough and complaints that his chest and throat hurt bought him a stay-home-from-school pass that came with his very own day o' TV. I watched eight hours of kids' TV today. Eight hours that kept him quiet on the couch and me happy next to him with my laptop.

He was holding steady at 102 degrees tonight before bed, so we're looking at another day home tomorrow followed by a scheduled day off of school on Friday, making this a five-day weekend. Whoo-hoo?

Anyway, back to our special report.

Trick or Treat, or shall I say Trick or Germs, was awesome for both kids this year. Jack was an old pro and Emmie picked it up very quickly. After the second house, she realized people would give her shiny wrapped objects if she said the magic words, so she started saying, "tick teet" without being prompted and "tank you" about 50 percent of the time. Jack took charge, boldly going up to the houses and would have probably done the whole street by himself if we let him.

It was freezing, but everyone had a great time. Daddy was offered beer at one house and Mommy pilfered a full-size Twix from Emmie's bag. All in all, a solid outing once again.


Happy Halloween!


We met up with some friends from the neighborhood. Notice Emmie has her eye on their candy.


No, I don't WANT a sucker. I want M 'n Ms.


My parents never let me have candy. Just wait til they find out I am planning to eat all of it.


Jesus Mommy, you are so embarrassing making me hold your hand. Can't you just stand over there so I can pretend I don't know you?


People, I am a DRAGON. Not a dinosaur. Have you ever seen a dinosaur with wings? Stop being stupid.


Nooooo, not the Three Musketeers, Emmie! Don't you know you always go straight for the Milky Ways?


OMG, who stuffed a pumpkin under that woman's shirt? Oh wait. That's actually Mommy's belly. Nevermind.

Pumpkin fun

As in years past, I was once again solely in charge of the pumpkin carving at Chez Snarky. I told Josh recently he only wants to benefit from holidays, not participate in them. Case in point: he doesn't carve pumpkins, but he eats all the kids' trick-or-treat candy. He doesn't help put up the Christmas tree, but he damn sure wants the presents under it.

But whatever. I like to do this kind of stuff and someone needs to make memories for these children, damn it, so I take on that role. Josh scoffs and says they're too little to remember, but someday when Jack reminds him that daddy painted outside instead of helping him carve a pumpkin the year before he turned 4, I can say I told you so. And that's one of my very favorite sayings.

But today was pumpkin day and everybody had a grand time. In previous years, Jack didn't want anything to do with touching the innards of the gourd and there was no way I was letting him anywhere near a knife. But this year he attacked the task with great gusto and Emmie got into the act as well. I still didn't let him near the knife, but apparently it was myself I should have worried about when it came to that.

Damn that $5 pumpkin carving kit from Walgreens. There I was, sawing along on pumpkin No. 1 when out of nowhere the stupid thing breaks off from the handle and tears across my fingers. There wasn't any frost on the pumpkin tonight, but there was sure a lot of blood on it. Jack asked why Mommy yelled and I said it was nothing, quickly wiping the evidence away with multiple paper towels.

I was carving out the mouth/teeth portion of his pumpkin at the time, so now I am worried there was some weird vampire thing going on and I will be the subject of the next installment of the Twilight series.

So anyway, here's the photographic evidence of Pumpkin Carving 2009, Now With Spurting Blood.


Mommy, this is fun! Can I have the knife now?


This is squishy. I am going to throw it at my brother and see what happens.


It doesn't look nearly as bad as it was. I could have bled out right there in the dining room. Seriously.


Hey why are we outside in the dark? And no, we won't smile. We're going to egg the house later, so watch out.

Trick or treat 2008

Trick or treat!


Elmo gets an early sugar rush.


Our little pumpkin.

Close observers might notice a major haircut in that last photo. That would be the result of 4 inches leaving my head this afternoon. I chickened out on bangs. Again. They scare me.

And how 'bout that road soda in that there picture? Who knew trick or treating involved beer?

(Also, an update on little CiCi: she is taking baby steps toward improvement, but they still don't know any more. Please continue to send your positive thoughts her way. Mom Jenny says knowing how many people out there are pulling for them is helping more than we can know.)

Happy Halloween

Nemo collected an absurd amount of candy for a child who does not eat candy. But he was so cute, who could resist?




There were even two houses on our route, right around the corner, that were giving out full-size candy bars! Full-size! A neighbor told us that after we were done for the night, there were even some houses giving out beer and wine to the grownup trick or treaters. I love Lincoln Park. Mansions, Bugaboo strollers, $17,000-a-year preschools, Starbucks every two blocks and full-size candy bars and beer on Halloween. I am never moving.

Notice in the second picture, the kid behind me IS AS TALL AS ME. And he was trick or treating. I really think that's a bit much.

But not as much as the kid who marched up next to us at a house around the corner and held out his school backpack. The homeowner said he wanted to know where his costume was, because he was not giving candy to kids without costumes. The kid, without missing a beat, replied, "I am a black gangster." He was dressed in black sweats and pretty much looked like he probably did at school all day. I would say he was about 13 years old.

He did get his candy, incidentally.

But that was not the best part of Halloween 2007. Oh ho know.

We left with Jack about 4:30 p.m. But I didn't want to not leave any candy for the kids who stopped by while we are gone. So being Dorothy from Kansas, I assumed that leaving a bowl of candy out on the porch with a note saying "Please take one!" would be sufficient. Plus, I reasoned, if people took more than one, then they clearly needed that candy more than someone else. So I left two bags worth of candy in the bowl and off we went. I have lived in this city for nine years, I didn't grow up on farm either. I grew up in a fairly big city. You would think I would know better.

Please let me note, we live on a busy street. Lots of foot traffic.

We come home an hour later, and not only is all the candy gone, BUT SO IS THE BOWL. Now come on, that's just shitty. Who steals the bowl? Like no one noticed a kid carrying a heaping bowl of candy down a busy street in broad daylight? And for god's sake, where was this kid's parent?

So yeah, Happy freaking Halloween. I hope that kid's teeth rot from all the Snickers and Skittles in there.