The weekend

I could write a big post about BlogHer and my experience there, but it's been talked about practically to death by everyone else. And by everyone, I mean the entire population of the Internet. Seriously, everyone went and everybody bitched about a baby getting elbowed in the head in a rush for swag bags and everybody talked about how commercial blogging has become and everyone got drunk. Except me because I am pregnant, wah.

My experience can be summed up like this: I spent a weekend with some really amazing women and had a ton of fun. We gossiped and went out to eat and shopped and got mani/pedis and went to parties and attended a few panels. This was a pretend "weekend away" for me, since it was held in Chicago, so Josh took over child duty and I got to sleep in and come and go as I pleased. I stayed out late every night and had fun. Exactly what I wanted it to be.

As for the conference itself, the humor panel kicked all kinds of ass. It consisted of Anna from Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder, Deb from Deb on the Rocks, Jenny from The Bloggess, Jessica from Bernthis, Kelcey from The Mama Bird Diaries and Wendi from Wendi Aarons. I didn't read these women before (except for The Bloggess) but after almost peeing my pants over the things they said, I certainly am now. And you should be, too. They inspired me to be funnier and even more of a smartass. So really, all of you readers will be the beneficiaries of my BlogHer weekend.

Then I came home and realized hanging out with 1,400 women from various parts of the country was a really stupid idea because ohmygod, the germs. I have no immunity from the Atlanta germs. Or the Austin germs (and sweet bitty, is every blogger from freaking Austin or does it just seem that way?). Or the Calee-fornia germs. And you know what all those people probably had lurking in the recesses of their hand wrinkles? I'll tell you. Swine flu. And you know, "the pregnant" is a risk factor in swine flu death. So I'll probably die in the next two weeks thanks to some random person who handed me her business card right after she licked it.

In the meantime I do have a sore throat and I am trying to not Google the shit out of early swine flu symptoms. I am sure this sore throat has nothing to do with the fact I was out late, screaming at the top of my lungs to be heard over all the other screaming women within a five-foot radius. Or that I caught a chill in the midnight air on Poppy's rooftop deck. Or that I coated my throat in liquid chocolate at the Mommy Needs a Cocktail party. Nope. It's clearly swine flu. It was nice knowing all of you.

BlogHer awaits

A few months ago, I heard the BlogHer conference was in Chicago this year, but was non-plussed by the idea of attending. I couldn't imagine paying to hang out and listen to people talk about blogging. I mean I have been doing it for five years now, I am pretty familiar with the concept.

But then I was out with a few other bloggers one night in March (incidentally, that was the night I got violently ill with a stomach ailment and chalked it up to Indian food, except HA, I was pregnant and didn't know it) and they all told me how you don't need to go to the conference because all anyone really remembers anyway are the parties. That of course piqued my interest, I mean drinking and hanging out are two of my favorite things to do.

A few weeks ago, one of my favorite bloggers (Sarah of "Life at 45 Degrees") was having a shitty few weeks and I insisted she come out for BlogHer, despite not having tickets. She could just go to the parties with me! So she booked a flight and she'll be here tomorrow. We'll be picking up another awesome blogger (Sarah, of "Harry Times, All Jacked Up", although we should all be calling her Dr. Sarah since she's a newly minted PhD) and the three of us will be going for manicures and pedicures.

Then we'll be off to dinner with a large group of other bloggers before hitting some parties. Of course, I will have to remain sober, sigh, but I will hand my free drinks off to the other ladies. Despite not being able to drink, I am so looking forward to this weekend. I am hoping to have fun with the bloggers I already know and to meet several I have been reading for years. I also hope to meet many, many new bloggers.

So if you're attending, and you spy me with your little eye, please come and say hello. I'll even give you one of my nifty new blog business cards! And I won't be drunk, so the chances of me slurring my words and not remembering meeting you are very slim. Also, I won't spill any drinks on you. Maybe. But if I do, I won't have any excuse for doing so.

In the meantime, look for a large number of tweets on my Twitter feed this weekend. I am sure all of Twitter will crash from the sheer number of bloggers all doing it at once from the same spot, but maybe they'll use messenger pigeons or something.

Who on earth designs this shit?

I spent the last two afternoons searching for the Holy Grail: a dressy maternity top that isn't more than $100 and doesn't look like a tent.

Is it so much to ask that Old Navy or Target or the Gap add a little spice to their T-shirts and tank tops? I mean I appeciate a good everyday shirt as much as the next woman, and God knows I do love me some smartass pregnancy T-shirts, but I am going to the big BlogHer conference next week and I have nothing to wear.

I know people complain all the time that their closets are bare and they have nottthhhhiiiiiiing to weeeaaaarrrrrrrr, but I really don't. I am scheduled to attend several fun parties and I am going to show up in a T-shirt if someone doesn't come to my rescue but quick.

This has been a problem for me with each pregnancy -- I find everyday stuff I adore but it's the going-out stuff that presents the challenge. Trying to justify spending a serious load of cash on stuff I will only really wear a few times is hard. Especially since, as I am constantly reminded, someone else makes the money and all I do is spend the money.

I have tried local boutiques BellyDance and Kickin'. My favorite store during previous pregnancies, Swell, is out of business. Sob. I have one more option -- Krista K -- that I am checking out tomorrow and then I give up. That or Josh is going to have to pony up $100 for a shirt I am going to wear about three times. And then I will be contacting attorneys to fight the divorce filing he will drop on my ass. So that would just cost us all way too much money in the long run.

Please, oh readers of my blog, help dress me for BlogHer! I prefer black, or if it can't be black then another solid color, and tight-fitting. I like people to know I am pregnant, not guess what I am smuggling under a tent. But at this poing, I can't be picky and I will be happy with something that just looks nice. Bonus points if I can buy it somewhere in the Chicagoland area. I would even be happy with express shipping to get it here by Wednesday.