Introducing...

Emily Jean!

Weighing in at 6lbs 8 oz and a length of 20 inches.

Live blog of the birth below, pictures of Emmie to follow.

It's Go Time!!!

Hi, I'm Josh, Amy's hot, wicked smart, all-around wonderful husband. She may have not mentioned the wonderful part before. Or the hot part. Or even the wicked smart part. But I assure you, it's all true.

Anyhow, we're about to have a baby here and I'm live-blogging the birth, so I guess that's my key to start and here I am. So let's do it...

3:15 - Amy says "I'm feeling weird. I think my water is going to break today." I assume she's nuts and go back to work (at home).

4:35 - Water breaks. She's on the bed and I bring her some towels. She holds them between her legs and makes her way to the bathroom. She says "Maybe I just pee'd my pants". She spends a few minutes in the bathroom and determines, she didn't just pee two gallons, it was in fact the water breaking.

4:40 - I call my sister Marnie who has her fiance, Thabu, at our place in like 10 minutes. Nice! Jack wakes up from his nap and I tell him "I hope you enjoyed your nap buddy, because it will be your last as the center of the universe in this house" He says "poo". Likely not because of what I have just informed him, but because he does in fact have a dirty diaper.

4:45 - Amy takes a shower. I should probably do that to. I don't want baby to be scared off by dirty, smelly Daddy.

5:15 - I told Amy to take a cab to the hospital and call me when she and the baby were ready to come home, but apparently that isn’t flying. I don’t see what the big deal is. I was present for the birth of Jack, and there was a whole lot of waiting around as I recall. Frankly, it got to be a bit boring. Plus, if you’ve seen one birth, you’ve seen them all, right? I’ve seen it twice now – when Jack was born and I saw it in the movie “Knocked Up” as they show you a little more than you probably had bargained for in that flick. I’m not the type that likes to see the same movie over and over and I’m pretty sure I might be the same way about births.

5:20 - Amy informs me that I am the type that likes to see births over and over. I learn more and more about myself every day. She also tells me that seeing that birth in Knocked Up doesn’t really count, but I’m pretty sure it does. I’ll ask the doctor.

5:30 - Yes, her water broke an hour ago and yes, we're still getting ready. Cameras, Ipod, Chapstick, Laptops, Beer - you know all the necessities one couldn't possibly have a baby without. (unfortunately, I am kidding about the beer. Maybe.)

5:35 - Amy is still leaking. The water doesn't just break and its done. It goes on and on. (She was induced for Jack, so we didn't experience the sudden break of the ol' water). There are towels all over the place. Maybe a cab wouldn't be such a bad idea...

5:40 - Amy only has three pages left in her really good book she was reading when her water broke and she hasn't been having any contractions. We can go to the hospital after she finishes the book. I ask her if she wants to catch a movie before we go also. Since we apparently aren't in any hurry.

5:50 - All packed up and in the car. No fur coat for Amy as she had hoped for. She didn't want bodily fluids marring it. I feel the same way about the car... its towels all around.

6:00 - Amy informs me that we'll be parking in the garage at the hospital. Clearly, I could have found a nice free spot on the street if she gave me 5 minutes. When we were at the house she had to read those last three pages of the book, but now suddently we're in a great big hurry.

6:10 - Good evening OB Triage, its been too long. We're quickly escorted into a cubicle type area with curtains splitting us from other areas. Amy has her first contraction.

6:30 - Amy has changed into her baby-having fatigues and is now laying down leaking on the bed (better than the car I say). A nurse has her hooked up to the contraction monitor. She has a sizable contraction - reporting that its only a 2 out of 10 on the pain scale. Sounds pretty weak to me - clearly she doesn't need an epidural. Another nurse comes in and asks her a series of questions about diseases. She asks if I'm working on the laptop and Amy informs her I'm live-blogging the birth. I add "so don't mess anything up" She doesn't find me funny.

6:35 - They confirm that Amy was actually just peeing herself all over the house and car, her water never broke... just kidding. Its the real deal.

6:40 - The waiting begins... a nurse does Amy's IV. No contractions lately.

6:45 - Contraction. Actually, looking at the monitor, contractions are 6 minutes apart. But we still don't know how effaced or dilated she is. The doctor is supposed to come anytime now to give us this info.

6:50 - For my guy friends reading this... No hot nurses. Bummer. Maybe the labor and delivery area will come through, because OB Triage isn't having a strong showing today.

7:05 - Contractions still every 6 minutes. The doctor is here. Actually a resident. So does that even count? I don't think so. We'll call her the fake doctor. Anyway, she asks a million more questions. Some that the nurse already asked before. Don't they share notes? Its like when I call my credit card company and they make me key in my number and then the customer service rep asks me for it five seconds later... but I digress. The doctor asks about the water break, the contractions, family diseases, drugs, the cerclage, you know, the types of small talk you would make with a stranger in an elevator.

7:15 - After 10 minutes of questions, Amy spreads 'em, the resident slaps on some rubber gloves, and goes down for a look. She comes back up and we finally have some numbers to work with... she's 70 percent effaced and 2 cm dilated. And the fun doesn't really begin until she's at 10. Go get some dinner folks and cancel Bowling League or whatever you had planned tonight... its going to be a long evening.

7:20 - A nurse comes back in with some papers to sign. One about leaving your baby unattended, one about insurance, and one about baby carseats. I say to the nurse "you mean they make special seats for babies?" The nurse reamains stone faced. I just don't have it tonight. I tell Amy I should call Matt or Jimmie, my lawyer buddies, to come look over the paperwork before she signs anything. She rolls her eyes and signs away. I bet that small print is going to come back and bite us in the ass... Contractions still every 6 minutes.

7:25 - They're moving us to labor and delivery (and maybe to some hot nurses... or at least to one with a sense of humor?)

7:30 - Get this. They come to get us with only one wheel chair. And that's not even the kicker... its for Amy, not for me. Dude, my fingers are tired from all this typing and now I'm expected to walk all the way to labor and delivery? And that's not all, I have to carry all of Amy's stuff - which by the way you would think we were going to Hawaii for two weeks if you saw the five bags I have to carry.

7:40 - Jackpot! The nurse is hot and I'm pretty sure she wants me. She gave me sheets and a pillow and told me where I'd be sleeping the second we got in the room. If that's not a come on I'm not sure what is.

7:50 - All settled in the room where its all going to happen. They gave Amy the bed and me a chair. I'm pretty sure that was a mistake, and it should be the other way around, but I'll mention it to Amy later. Amy tells the nurse she wants the epidural pronto. I tell her me too and she gives me the stone face. On second thought, she's not that hot anyway.

8:00 – The doctor comes in (the real doctor this time) and laughs about us taking two hours to get to the hospital after Amy called two hours ago. He says we’re going to start some ptocin and the epidural. Amy tells him she doesn’t want any fake doctors (she is nice about it and calls them “residents”) delivering the baby. The doctor says the residents on the floor all all pros (one has been here a whopping 3 months now, he mentions). Amy says that all is well and good, but we’ll take his ten years experience over their 3 months.

8:15 – The nurse comes in to prep Amy for the Epidural. Amy scores a sexy hairnet out of the deal. The nurse also gets her started on some “Pit”. “Pit” is short for ptocin and apparently its what all the cool kids are calling it these days as the doctor used it before and now the nurse too. The anesthesiologist comes in and he goes into the same questions the fake doctor and the nurse went into earlier. Seriously, are these people this backwards? Are they also using an abacus and a typewriter? I’m sent out of the room so he can stick a great big needle in her back. Amy reminds me this is four needles in her bac in the past two years. I respond “Needles? Who needs stinking needles? I’d go all-natural baby.”

8:45 – I’m back in the room. If I would have known it was going to take so long I would have gotten some food. I’m starving. So apparently while the anesthesiologist was painfully trying to push the needle into Amy’s back, another nurse comes in and they go into a 10 minute conversation about some other patients – nothing critical – as the doctor continues to push. Amy finally says “can you have this discussion later please”. The nurse apologizes and leaves. Contractions up to every two minutes.

8:50 – Get this. While I was waiting in the hall there is this bulleten board with a chart titled “Handwashing Hygiene” and this hospital is at a whopping 40% with a goal of 60%. Three thoughts come to mind after seeing this: 1) There are some people with some dirty-ass hands at this hospital 2)Their goal was 60% - what 70% would have been asking too much?. 3) They chose to make this information public? 4) How do they collect this information - are there hidden cameras in the bathroom? Ok, so 4 thoughts come to mind, not 3... I got a little agressive.

9:10 - The nurse and doctor both come in to check Amy. She's still at 2 cm and having contractions every 2 minutes. Apparently the contractions are still painful, even with the epidural. I just want all of you out there to know that despite all of these needles, contractions and tubes running all over the place, I'm still feeling great! Really, I don't know what all the fuss is about from Amy. Because if I continue to feel like I do right now, this birthing stuff is going to be a breeze. I could do it every day. The doctor tells Amy that he'll check back and hopefully the epidural will kick in.

10:15 - You'd think that after such a long break something exciting would be happening. Well, something exciting did happen - I got to eat. Not Amy though, she apparently is on a diet of ice chips until after the birth. Don't worry, I was sure to tell her how delicious each bite of my pizza was so she could share in the pleasure I was having. What are caring husbands for? The contractions continue every two minutes. No update on the dilation yet.

10:30 - Did I mention its going to be a long night? Amy and I are hanging out watching the 19" Zenith TV in our room. Hey, hospital, the 1970's called and they want their TV back. Furthermore, there's nothing on. With the writer's strike going on, you're all pretty lucky to have me tonight. Actually, if the nurses are any judge, I'm not that funny. Better go back to your reruns. No news on the baby front...

10:55 - Big news. The doctor is back and checking things out as the baby's heart rate had dropped. We're at 5 cm. Amy is on her side and the baby's heart rate is back to good - up around 150. The heart rate drops when she has contractions, but the baby is facing down like it should be at a 0 station, and her cervix has thinned 100%. They're putting the monitor on the baby's head as we speak. Hopefully things keep moving along...

11:10 - I’d like to point out that last time during Jack’s birth I was given two rules by Amy – I couldn’t bring my laptop and I couldn’t make calls on my cell phone at all until after the birth. (Alas – I found a perfectly legal loophole, text messaging, Amy was none too pleased). This time she’s told me to bring my laptop and post messages all day long. What a difference two years make. It reminds me of when I got caught drinking in high school – my parents grounded me and put me in therapy. Two years later they were hosting drinking parties for my younger sister... isn’t life funny...

11:30 - Amy's feeling a lot of pressure. With every contraction she feels an immense urge to push. Not sure what this means, but baby could be visiting us soon. I, on the other hand, am not feeling any pressure at all. Again, I'm not sure what Amy's deal is. This birthing thing is a piece of cake for me. I should write a book.

11:50 - More big time pressure. The doctor comes... and its really go time. The baby is right there, head visible! The docter says she might have pushed it out herself if she let her go longer. Everybody's running around getting ready for the big push!

11:56 pm January 16th - Emily Jean is born. We're going to call her Emmie. There was literally zero pushing this time. They asked Amy not to let her come out before they could gown up and she contracted her out. Emmie's a beauty (thankfully it looks like she has gotten her looks from her mother, not dad). Excuse the sappy post, but I just want to say, my wife is a superstar! This whole experience has proved to me once again, I am indeed the luckiest guy in the world. Even after pushing out little Emmie, she's looking as beautiful, upbeat, and witty as ever. And she's such an amazing mother to Jack already, little Emmie is in such great hands. Amy, I can't imagine where I would be with out you... I love you.

12:10 - Emmie weighs in at 6 lbs 8 oz and a length of 20 inches. She's a heavyweight like her father. This is two weeks before her actual due date, so being on the light side is to be expected I suppose.

12:30 - Emmie has been awfully quiet, just like Jack was the first 24 hours. I remember Amy and I thinking - wow, he doesn't cry, we're the luckiest parents in the world. Wow, did Jack have a little surprise for us after that first day, he found his voice and in a big way. I'm sure Emmie will do the same. Amy's feeding her now. She's been sucking away on her hands from the second she came out, so she's doing a decent job for her first boob.

1:00 - I sure hope Amy doesn’t want me to stay over at the hospital tonight with the baby. I did that last time and Jack cried like every hour and woke me up, plus all they have for the guests to sleep on is this crappy fold out chair that is about as comfortable as sleeping on nails. Maybe even less. And then they give her this big comfortable bed right next to me – just to rub it in apparently. I’m not really into sleepovers anyway. Plus, if I sleep at home I can have the whole bed to myself and my parents are staying at our place so they can get up with Jack in the morning. I can sleep in! I’m sure Amy will agree this is an excellent idea.

1:30 - Amy informs me that I am all about sleepovers. I’m really learning a lot about myself today. Maybe she’ll at least give me the bed and she’ll take the chair. That’s only fair as I took the chair last time. Right? I’m not really a chair sleeper anyway.

1:55 - Have I mentioned how much I love sleeping in chairs? Because I do, or so I’ve been told. That’s what I’ll be doing for the next two nights. I’m kind of glad because our big comfortable, quiet bed at home will sit empty for the next couple of nights and it could use a break for a few nights anyway. They're about to move us to the mother-baby room (father is conveniently left out) where we'll go to sleep. So this will be my last post. For those of you that have stuck it out until the end, you've won a cash prize of 1 million dollars. Just post a comment within the next minute and the prize is yours. Goodnight...