Monday, March 15, 2010

Wasps, and not the New England type


You'll have to excuse the crazy-person yelling, but seriously. This calls for it.

Let me first give a little background. For the last few years, every few weeks, I will see a random black wasp on the second floor. That would be the floor where all the bedrooms are. You know, where we sleep. In the dark. When we can't see wasps. Excuse me while I go vomit.

So I see these random wasps and they're usually acting very sluggish, hanging out by the windows. They're easy to kill, since they're sluggish, so I do so and then flush them down the toilet. Because you never know when a squashed wasp could come back to life in the garbage and kill you in your sleep. You can never be too careful as far as I am concerned.

When Maeve was about three weeks old, and not sleeping in her bassinet because she freaking hates that thing, I happened to look down in it as I passed by for a diaper change and saw a black wasp just chillin'. I hyperventilated because HELLO, BABY COULD HAVE BEEN IN THERE, and made Josh kill it and flush it.

But it's weird, I see them throughout the year and never more than one at a time. And every time I freak the hell out and spend days looking for more and then I kinda forget about it until the next one appears.

That brings us to today. I took the kids down to the basement to jump in the jumpy house and was sitting on the couch with Maeve. Josh was sitting in front of the jumpy house and the next thing I know, Jack is screaming and Josh is yelling, "Did it sting you? Did it sting you?"

I jump up and yell, "Oh my God, what happened?" And immediately startle Maeve, who starts wailing. Josh yells that Jack got stung by a wasp and I now see it on the jumpy house slide. Josh pulls his sweatshirt sleeve down over his hand and tries to squish it. Of course, he misses.

So now we have a pissed-off wasp flying around everyone's head. Jack is hysterical because he thinks he's going to get stung again, I am yelling at Josh to get the kids out of there and Emmie is looking at all of us like we're crazy because all she wants to do is jump in the damn jumpy house.

Josh finally kills it while I carry Maeve and Jack upstairs, trying to calm him down. I am usually calm in a crisis, so I take a breath and tell him it is OK. But I have no idea what to do. I am paranoid that he's going to be allergic and stop breathing right in front of my eyes and I kept thinking I really should have been recertified in CPR because I can't remember anything but compressions and breaths and I have no idea how many of each to do and ohmygodhesgoingtodie.

I keep yelling for Josh to come upstairs to help me figure this out, but the jumpy house blower is still on and he can't hear a damn thing. Jack is screaming, Maeve is screaming, I am panicking. And what do I do?

I go to my laptop, duh. Google "wasp sting" and find that you should poor vinegar over the wound to neutralize it, then apply ice. Josh finally comes up and hands me some Neosporin and a Band-aid. I was like "What the hell am I supposed to do with Neosporin? Does the wasp have tetanus and we need to keep it clean?" His response was that it had pain-killing medicine in it and it would help the sting. I can see where he was coming from in hindsight. But in the moment, I snapped at him to get something cold. Like a beer for me.

Jack finally calmed down after I had him hold a bag of frozen strawberries and about 15 minutes later, with the help of "Yo Gabba Gabba," he was fine.

Too bad he'll never go near the jumpy house again. Josh scoffed at that, but I asked if he had ever met our son. This is the kid who after throwing up two months ago has asked me every single night since then if he's going to get sick again. Every. Single. Night.

Needless to say, Terminex is paying us a visit tomorrow. Watch out wasps, we're coming for you.

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Blogger Sarah said...

OMG! The bassinet story was the scariest!! I also give my kids bags of frozen fruits and veggies for major injuries.

March 15, 2010 10:30 PM  
Blogger lonek8 said...

freaky! I totally flush squished bugs - which I squish using a kleenex AND a shoe, and then grind into paste as much as I can using a kleenex and a shoe and not actually being able to feel anything - I am completely paranoid that they will crawl back up out of the garbage and get me. Ew!

Thanks for the tips on dealing with stings, although I have found that icing my kids' injuries gets more crying and protest than the injury itself. na dforzen bags of fruit and veggies are the best ice packs!

Glad to hear Jack is doing ok and apparently not allergic. Good luck exterminating!

March 15, 2010 10:44 PM  
Blogger snarflemarfle said...

Pro: You know Jack is not allergic to wasp stings.

Con: You are totally warranted in your craziness! I would be freaking the heck out, too!!

March 16, 2010 6:33 AM  
Blogger ALI said...

Yikes! Glad all worked out well & I hope Terminex can find the entry point - or hiding space.

All things considered, I think you handled it marvelously!

March 16, 2010 7:07 AM  
Blogger Carla said...

I have hornets around my house, but not IN the house. I called the Orkin Man who said (and I quote) "I won't put any of my guys on a ladder with hornets." Um, you're the ORKIN MAN! That's your JOB!!!

I'm going to call Terminex now though....thank you!

March 16, 2010 8:17 AM  
Blogger Rebekah said...

You are very brave for calling Terminix. I might be calling a realtor and pulling the house and the wasps in it on the market!!

March 16, 2010 9:19 AM  
Blogger Em McAllister said...

Poor Jack! I hate those stupid things, we had them in my apartment for awhile and were consistently killing and flushing them until we moved out. Kudos on the flush-method to get rid of bugs...I have nightmares of half-dead bugs climbing out of the trash and attacking, so hooray for flushing!

March 16, 2010 9:48 AM  
Blogger Monica said...

Glad Jack is ok. Never a dull moment in snarkyland.

March 16, 2010 5:32 PM  
Blogger Four Times The Chaos.... said...

That story totally creeps me out. I would have to move. Seriously. I can't handle anything that flies and stings!

March 16, 2010 8:53 PM  
Blogger Keri said...

You and Jack should read "The Giant Jam Sandwich"...wasps invade this town and they catch them in a giant strawberry jam sandwich...seems fitting in light of your waspcades, although, then Jack might want to leave jam sandwiches around your house :)

March 16, 2010 9:52 PM  
Blogger sarah said...

Oh Amy that sucks!!! Poor Jack!! So glad he's not allergic though!

March 16, 2010 11:59 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Ahhh! I hate wasps! And I totally flush all bugs and make my husband too. Glad I'm not the only crazy one!
Happy Jack seems ok.

March 17, 2010 8:51 AM  
Blogger Nicole Caccavo Kear said...

That is so scary. I would have lost it. These are the moments I'm glad we're in the city where its just cockroaches and rate I encounter on a daily basis.

March 19, 2010 8:50 PM  

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