Thursday, March 4, 2010

Tripping out

You all know how Josh has been traveling for work the last two months, leaving Monday nights and returning Friday evenings. Traveling away from his family. His family that includes a newborn. And a wife who wakes up multiple times per night to feed the newborn. Then gets up at 6 a.m. with the other two children. Then single-parents the three kids for four days.

You would think if he had some vacation time scheduled, he would spend it in Chicago giving his poor wife a break. OH BUT NO. You would be wrong.

Instead, he went on a snowboarding vacation with his friends. His single friends. You know, the ones who don't have wives at home who look like they got two black eyes in a bar fight because the undereye circles have gotten so bad from lack of sleep.

During a recent "discussion" about his trip, I told him I didn't know any other guys who leave their wife and kids for a mancation every year. Oh yes, this is a yearly occurrence, did I mention that? And it was slightly untrue, as I know of at least one friend who's husband went on a ski trip a few weeks ago while her pregnant self stayed home with their two kids. But sometimes you have to make the argument sound better than it is. And really, one friend out of all my friends is so statistically insignificant, it's not like it even warrants mentioning.

Also, it's not even just a guys "weekend" because he left on Wednesday night and comes back Sunday afternoon. Last I checked, a weekend consists of Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Full disclosure: I gave him the plane ticket for Christmas. But only because that's the only thing he asked for. But this was before he knew he would be working out of town for three months. And before Maeve had actually arrived on the scene. I maintain that since he travels all week, it's pretty shitty to take a vacation away from us. And he keeps insisting that I am welcome to go on a girls weekend whenever I want. But I keep telling him I should get a girls weekend because I am here 24-7, not because he wants to feel equal in the trip department.

But now I ask you readers, does your spouse take a vacation away from you and the kids? If so, does it piss you off? And for the trifecta: does the spouse travel for work all week?



Blogger 4boyz4me said...

Nope. Neither Mark nor I take separate vacations as a general rule. I did go to Chicago one weekend when Nicholas was 2mos old but he came with me. Mark and I have both had evenings out alone but never an overnight except that one unless it was work related. All our vacations so far have been family ones.

That said, his work travel has until lately been awful and included trips when I was 36wks pregnant with #4 as well as trips when #4 was very little and then basically weekly for the last 18mos. Any mention of his wanting a vacation by himself in that time period would have resulted in serious bodily harm.

March 4, 2010 11:21 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Wow, I could totally relate to this post! My husband recently took a mancation to the East Coast to see the band U2 (we live in California). The guys were all married and left their kids at home with their wife. My husband owns his own company and works hard, but I still had a hard time with it. He left me at home for 3 days with our toddler. He said the same thing to me about it being my turn to go somewhere with the girls for a weekend. I guess that's supposed to make everything better?

I can see how you are hugely annoyed, since he is gone all the time right now. You have every right to be upset. But all I have to say is, "You go girl!" You are doing an amazing job with those little ones!

March 4, 2010 11:34 PM  
Blogger ALI said...

Prior to the economy tanking in October '08, yes. He took a trip to Vegas with only man friends at least 1x per year.

Yes, it would make me crazy, but I finally stopped fighting it when it hit me - at least half the reason he was dying to go was to make me a bit crazy. But also to get perspective, since he works so many hours.

As for traveling during the week... Not until recently, when he started working 60+ miles from our house. In Chicago traffic, going from SE to NW, he stays in a hotel Thurs till Saturday. Luckily I only have 1 child, so we love the 1-on-1 time... Who knows how I will feel if we are blessed with a 2nd.

But honestly, having only 1 - my life is easier when he is out of the house b/c I can do what I want on my schedule w/o having to consider him into the equation...

That all said... Getting him the ticket, makes you my hero...

March 5, 2010 12:31 AM  
Blogger Stacy said...

You are the hero- giving him the ticket. My husband doesn't go on "mancations" so to speak, but his work is such that his clients are some of his greatest friends and when he's out of town "working" (which is most of the month- 2-3 wks at a time) he's working with these other guys. I do get frustrated being home with my 3 kids, but mine are older (10, 8 and 3) and so I guess my issues are different- not so much in the sleep deprived vein. But my sleep- i LOVE my sleep, so I'm feeling for you.
I've resigned myself to the fact that in this economy we're fortunate that he has a job, so I try (emphasis on TRY) not to complain.
As for you taking a trip- go ahead and schedule something with the adult girls in your life for the spring/early summer. That way little one will be sleeping thru the night (your mom-guilt will be lessened) and you can have something fun to look forward to. And schedule it during the kiddos school so your husband can get the full enjoyment of single-parenthood...getting them ready for school and all. :)
Hang in there-

March 5, 2010 5:20 AM  
Blogger Monica said...

To put it bluntly, we can't afford separate get aways. But if we could, we probably would still take our vacations together. Considering how much your hubby travels, I guess I would be slightly unhappy about the mancation.

March 5, 2010 6:31 AM  
Blogger Joshua, Ambyr and Co. said...

I've been married for 15 years and have 6 kids and I can't say that my husband has ever taken a mancation. My husband does travel about one week a month on average and tries to get me to go along most of the time. I'm not sure if it's because he's just a great guy like that or if I have put the fear of God in him that he's never asked to go on a mancation! If I were you I'd be taking a girls "weekend" asap...I mean c'mon you have plenty of free time while he's away to be planning that one! Make it big too and who cares why he said you could do it as long as you remind him frequently he was the one who said you could do it!:)

March 5, 2010 6:55 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Ben has 2 or 3 trips coming up in the next few months. BUT, he is home every night by 5:30. I think you are getting a raw deal, my friend. Retail therapy?

March 5, 2010 7:00 AM  
Blogger Sunflower Soup said...

Before kids, my husband occasionally did kiteboarding trips. When Tabitha was 5 months old, he went to a bachelor party in Vegas. Let's see....once before we had kids I went to NC to see my dying grandmother with my parents. Other than that, we vacation together which barely ever happens cause we can't afford it. However, he does get a weekly guys night out. No matter what. His reasoning is that he works hard and deserves a break. I don't really need one you see because being home with the kids is like being on "vacation." When I worked once a week before Tyler I had "6 day weekends." As annoying as it is, I would still rather be home most of the time than doing "real work." Anyway, it's nice that your husband at least offers some reciprocation.

March 5, 2010 7:22 AM  
Blogger the shark said...

In our 15+ years, he's only gone one weekend without me. I on the other hand have taken multiple trips/weekends with out him.

I wish he would take off more often... I could use the break! (and not feel so guilty about my trips!)

March 5, 2010 8:06 AM  
Blogger lA*tee*dA said...

I'm going to be short & sweet here - I'd kill him. lol

March 5, 2010 8:10 AM  
Blogger Rebekah said...

Mine fantasizes about trips to Vegas with his buddies but they never materialize. I know I should feel sad that he doesn't get to go play with his friends don't.

March 5, 2010 8:15 AM  
Blogger DuffyMom said...

As a matter of fact, April 17th, which is 2 weeks before my due date, hubby is going with work friends to Chicago for a Cubs game, leaving me home, gigantically pregnant with our 5 and 7 year old, able to go into labor at anytime. He goes every year, which is fine, I enjoy my girl time (all of our kids are girls) but this year, I may wrap his ears around his head and tie them in a knot.

March 5, 2010 8:19 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Hi - just wondering what happened with the college student who was supposed to come over and help out? Did it not work out?

March 5, 2010 10:48 AM  
Blogger tiffany said...

My hubby goes on a 10 day elk hunt every year. I like to think I'm a slick negotiator though - We traded an elk hunt for a boob job after the last trip. I figure I should get something out of it too...However, I don't recall any 10 day trips for ME. I'm not sure he'd last 10 days without me though. What a slacker.

March 5, 2010 11:00 AM  
Blogger Becca said...

I have gone out of town twice by myself--once for BlogHer and once for a girls' weekend in DC. BUT, I also am here every other stinking day doing most everything around the house. Like you are, except without the single parent during the week part.

Honestly, I was wondering if you were feeling a little homicidal about this mancation even before I read this post. It does seem a LITTLE less crazy knowing that it was planned before he knew about the work travel. But you still got a shit deal, no two ways around it.

March 5, 2010 11:05 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

My husband is currently working out of state and comes home every other weekend. We have 2 boys ages 8 and 9. He does not take mancations, however, IF he gets drawn for elk hunting I am fairly certain he thinks he'll be taking time off for that...which will PISS ME OFF!!!

March 5, 2010 2:57 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

He would never. He knows his life would be in mortal danger. Before we had kids, I MADE him visit his family in Montana by himself (we live in Florida) b/c we could not afford two tickets. Good thing. His grandma died unexpectedly a week later. But again, NO. Talk about SELFISH!

March 5, 2010 8:25 PM  
Blogger kkbccguy said...

My hubs went on one mancation to vegas prior to us having husband works here, 70-78 hrs a week now and I am pregnant with #4(which will be 4 kids in 3 years...2 year old, 8 month twins and 5 weeks along)...pretty sure we would have many "discussions" if he brought up the word vacation.....

March 5, 2010 10:16 PM  
Blogger thehazlettfamily said...

In 12 1/2 years together I can't think of one time he traveled alone for a "vacation." The only times he has left me and the kids has been for a family funeral where it was just too costly to pack up the whole family and go. And those two times were actually within 1-3 weeks of having just been on a family vacation. He has once or twice packed up our kids and taken them to visit family when I could not get off work. That was a great vacation for me though. Noone to clean up after or fix dinner for! Yippee!!! I honestly can't think of a time when I have taken a trip without him other than leave in the middle of the night, drive to DC, attend a rally, and come home the same night and then spent the night at his parent's house because I had been away with his mother. I'm trying to figure out how to get a lady's vacation for my 40th but just can't justify spending the money. If you can do it, I say go for it and make sure yours is at least as long as his. Enjoy!!!!

March 5, 2010 11:04 PM  
Blogger lonek8 said...

my husband not only traveled for work, but actually MOVED OUT OF THE STATE for work for a period of 8 months - two of which I was pregnant and shoveling 6-12" of snow every freaking morning, and six of which I was dealing with a newborn and two kids under 3 all by myself with no help, no babysitter, no relief whatsoever except maybe two days every six weeks when he came home to visit. EIGHT MONTHS! Since we moved to join him he has gone out of twon several times for a whole week at a time for work, and also on little fun weekend trips to visit friends for weddings and such. Have I gotten to go? No. have I gotten any offers of getting to go anywhere? No. he gets to go to 5 star restaurants on the company dime in new York and Chicago, gets to whoop it up with his friends and family at parties and weddings out of town, and I get to go... to the movies. Awesome. Those are totally the same.

March 6, 2010 1:06 PM  

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