Refreshing, like a mountain spring

Monday night, Josh left for DC and I crawled into bed and hid from the kids all night. Well, except for Maeve, because she can find me anywhere by following the scent of my milk. Damn these boobs for being so fragrant. And I didn't technically hide from Jack or Emmie, either, because they were already sleeping. But I would have, had they been awake.

Tuesday morning, I bit the bullet and answered the feeble call of Jack at 6:15, "Mooooommmmmmmyyyy, coooommmmeee innnnnnn." Maeve opened her eyes as I got up to tell Jack that yes, he could indeed go pee on the potty. And again when I had to help him wipe, because he decided he needed to poop as well. And once again when he wanted to tell me he was going to wear his gray shirt to school. And once more when he got up for the day at 7:15 a.m.

After putting Maeve in the swing and getting the kids their morning cup of milk, I installed them in front of the "Diego" show and went upstairs to take a shower. I know! I showered with three kids in the house by myself. Maeve, ever the people-pleaser, remained asleep in the swing in our room. I only needed to threaten to come downstairs one time after I got out of the shower, so I considered that a win.

Ready for the day, or at least presentable considering the circles under my eyes these days resemble black holes, I went downstairs and made breakfast for Jack and Emmie. And when I say "made breakfast" I mean I really did -- I whipped up some scrambled eggs and toast; none of that bullshit instant oatmeal I usually plop down in front of them. I packed Jack's lunch and made sure everyone had brushed his or her teeth and hair and went up to get sleeping beauty and put her in the carseat. She remained asleep during the transfer, which means she gets a pony when she's older for making things easy on Mommy.

Because it's the freaking arctic here in Chicago right now, everyone needed coats, hats, gloves and boots on before we left. No problem! Right on schedule, we left the house and I even dropped a bag of trash in the can outside. I swear I heard a bluebird twittering above my head as I marveled at the bright sunshine and clear, crisp morning air. I manged to buckle everyone in, climb into my own heated seat and depart for school. No, I wasn't wearing a dress and pearls, but I could have if I wanted to.

After dropping Jack off, I brought the girls home and figured Maeve should probably eat. After hanging out and having Emmie take my order (she loves to play restaurant, but you're only allowed to order milk or coffee) Maeve was asleep on the boob so I took her upstairs to the swing and she stayed conked out.

What should I do with all this time on my hands, I asked myself. Seems like a good time to clean the bathrooms! Oh yes I did. All three of them. Emmie wasn't all that pleased about my plans and tried to thwart me at every turn, however. Even the lure of Jack's special Matchbox town setup didn't make her happy. Now I see why 1950s housewives had playpens.

Maeve, oblivious to all the fun we were not having, was still sleeping. Unfortunately, I had to go to Costco and time was running out before lunch. I broke the cardinal rule and woke a sleeping baby, sticking her in the carseat and she once again went back to sleep. The three of us had an uneventful spin around the store and arrived home in time for Emmie and I to eat lunch.

Emmie napped and Maeve ate and napped on me until it was time to pick Jack up. Again, coats, hats, boots, etc. and we were off. I am lazy and it was still freezing, so we drove instead of walked. After picking him up and getting a report that his behavior was awesome, we stopped at a drive-thru Dunkin' Donuts for doughnut holes as a reward.

We spent some time hanging out and playing before it was time for Jack's swim class and the babysitter (Aunt Marnie!) arrived, thus ending my time alone with all three kids. No one was injured, everyone was fed and clothed, and everyone had a smile on his or her face. I call that a success.

Then I went to book club and drank wine and enjoyed adult company because damn it, I deserved it after the performance I turned in. The moral of the story? Three kids: easier than you think. Also, I am awesome. See, you lower the bar enough, accomplishing anything seems like achieving peace in the Middle East.