Wednesday, December 2, 2009

You light up my life

Can someone please tell me what the purpose of putting our Christmas lights on a timer is if my husband is going to go outside and unplug them every night?

This weekend, my nearly-38-weeks-pregnant ass put up all the outdoor decorations BY MYSELF. Josh was inside on the computer. He did actually come outside for something when I was just about done and I asked him would he be a dear and throw the extension cord down over the porch so I could plug it in.

As I plugged it in, I looked up with excitement to see how very very pretty they were and instead saw Josh's smirk.

"Looks like they don't work," he said. "Did you test them?"

"No, I didn't test them," I hissed. "They worked just fine when I took them down last year. God damn it, now I have to go buy new ones and re-do them."

"Let me know how that works out for you," he said as he shut the door behind him.

One trip to CVS and four hours later, I was stringing the lights by myself again. This time in the dark. He's nothing if not consistent in his holiday decorating aversions. This time, I plugged the lights in first. And yes, they worked.

I proudly told him that I had plugged them into a timer. It was set to come on at 5 p.m. and shut off at 5 a.m. You know, the hours of darkness in Chicago.

Except Josh thinks the lights don't need to be on in the middle of the night. I disagree. I think if it's dark, they create a festive atmosphere. He thinks they ratchet up the electric bill. He has noooooo problem leaving his three laptops on all night, but two measly strings of Christmas lights and he's going all Al Gore on my ass.

Because he unplugs the lights every night, it means I have to go out and plug them IN every afternoon. And we all know how I loathe opening the front door to get the mail, so you can imagine how much I enjoy going outside to fish around for the end of the extension cord and reattach it to the lights.

This is what no one tells you about marriage. It's not for richer or for poorer, it's for annoying or more annoying. Now excuse me while I duct tape the extension cord to the lights so he can't possibly remove it.

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8 Comments:

Blogger KarmaPearl said...

What is it about husbands and Christmas decorations?1 My husband has protested Christmas decorations until we have children. Boo!

December 3, 2009 7:33 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Totally agree about the annoying or more annoying part! My husband decided last weekend that he was unhappy with the way that our contractor put up our fireplace mantle THREE YEARS AGO! And so he took it all off Sunday afternoon. Only to be unsure exactly how he was going to fix it to make it better and more secure. So I have a nice fireplace with a big hole along the top of it. Ummm, how am I going to decorate THAT this weekend?!? Definitely falls into the more annoying category.

December 3, 2009 8:22 AM  
Blogger Diet DP Loving Mom said...

I can't stop giggling about the annoying and more annoying. I really think that ought to be added to marriage vows, because at the end of the day it's how you deal with each other annoying-ness that makes or breaks you. Almost six years and going strong, may the annoying-ness continue.

December 3, 2009 9:28 AM  
Blogger Monica said...

your stories about you and hubby just crack me up. I'm headed over to his blog to see if he has anything in his defense.

December 3, 2009 10:15 AM  
Blogger Sincerely, Jenni said...

Well, I can say in my 10 years of marriage, this is FINALLY the first year my husband has let me put up ANY DECORATIONS OUTSIDE. At all.

He put them up, begrudgingly, but I am responsible for turning them on and off. And seriously, I have to put a coat and boots on just to walk out on the porch and unplug the darn things! I NEED A TIMER!

December 3, 2009 12:45 PM  
Blogger RoseAnn said...

My husband also protests the Christmas decorations. I put up everything inside by myself and he only shows his face outside to "spot" me while I'm on the roof so he could get help quickly if I fell and broke something.

Can you compromise and have the lights on only in the evening? I have a timer that's set from 5-9 PM so I get to see them when I come home from work but they don't stay lit all night. What I really miss is my light-sensitive timer but it wasn't heavy-duty enough for all the lights I have now. LOL

December 3, 2009 4:56 PM  
Blogger UrbanLeo said...

Okay, you've made me stop my lurking.

I was CRACKING UP at this one. Sounds exactly like my husband--especially the smirk part. We battled our Christmas decorations around putting up the tree this year--he yawningly held the tree up (crookedly) while me, his third-trimester pregnant wife, crawled around the floor under the tree screwing on the base. Dear god.

December 4, 2009 11:24 AM  
Blogger Le Chatelier Family said...

I would LOVE to know what your neighbors were thinking as they saw this scene unfolding!!! Haha.

December 6, 2009 1:25 PM  

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