Friday, November 20, 2009

Pain and suffering

As you might imagine, having someone dig around in your cervix with a large pair of tweezers for a piece of surgical wire without the use of anesthesia is really not a fun way to spend your typical afternoon.

Yet, it's what I found myself doing shortly after lunch today. And as you might imagine, it did NOT feel like sunshine and unicorns. In fact, it felt nothing like that at all.

For both of my previous cerclage removals, I remember there being a lot of pain. With Jack, I was just so excited to be getting off bedrest after four months that I gritted my teeth and got through it. With Emmie, I just dug my fingernails into the palm of my hand and counted the holes in the ceiling tile above me. With this third one, I actually thought I might die.

All right, perhaps a slight exaggeration, but this time, the stitch did not want to come out. My OB was prepared for this possibility, knowing that it took a great deal of effort with the last cerclage, but I don't think either of us was expecting it to be as bad as it was.

There were three separate minutes-long attacks on the damn thing, the last of which culminated in my ass leaving the table at the exact moment she was finally able to cut it. It was embedded so far in that she just could not get a good grip on it without several tries.

My doctor was sweating, I was sweating and Josh was trying not to look while also trying to appear sympathetic to my plight. I was so busy being in pain I didn't even care that he was on the damn computer the whole time. And no, he wasn't live-blogging my removal either. I think he might have been making his Christmas list.

After much apologizing on my OB's part and much deep breathing and hand clenching on my part, she pronounced it the most difficult cerclage removal she had ever done. But it was over and I couldn't have been more pleased.

My cervix, however, was very unhappy and showed its displeasure by bleeding profusely. Not to be left out of the fun, my uterus decided to get in on the act by contracting. Repeatedly. With great intensity.

My doctor checked my cervix, which was SO AWESOME right after the ridiculousness that had just ensued, and she said I was a loose 1 cm. They wanted to monitor my contractions and see if they caused any more dilation, and if not, then I would be free to go home.

Lucky me, I laid on the gurney for two hours and read "Superfreakonomics" and my contractions eventually got less painful and less frequent. There was no change to my dilation, so off I went.

I am so glad this is over and will never, ever have to happen again. As my OB was digging in the delicate tissue of my cervix, I announced I would never go through natural childbirth. Ever. No way. Nope. Can't imagine worse pain than what I just experienced, and I know natural childbirth would be way more painful, so I will just say, "No, thank you."

And now, I can pick up my children and swim and run around the block and generally act like a normal pregnant woman. Except for the fact I am 36 weeks pregnant and don't really want to do anything of those things, well, maybe pick up my kids because they've missed that the last 22 weeks.

Instead, I am hanging out and waiting to go into labor. Hopefully in about two weeks.

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Blogger Becca said...

Squirming around uncomfortably for you.

All they did to me was strip my membranes and I thought her hand was going to come out of my mouth and that was bad. I cannot imagine.

November 20, 2009 9:44 PM  
Blogger The Adventurer said...

This post was the Best. Birth. Control. Ever.

Thanks for that one :P

PS - Enjoy holding your kids before you don't have enough arms to hold 'em all..haha! :)

November 20, 2009 9:55 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

What a day for you! I think I was holding my breath during that entire post! Holy cow! Enjoy the last weeks of pregnancy :)

November 20, 2009 11:37 PM  
Blogger sarah said...

I cannot imagine.

I am so glad that I was already in labor when they snipped my cerclage and they had already stuck me with the epidural.

cannot wait for the arrival of Weebay!

November 21, 2009 12:44 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I have had a drug-free birth, and that sounded wayyyyyy worse.

November 21, 2009 7:18 AM  
Blogger Monica said...

clenching myself while reading your description. I don't think your cervix could take another pregnancy. Can't wait to meet weebey!

November 21, 2009 1:59 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I'm still cringing thinking about your pain!
Reminds me of the pain of getting my 3rd degree episiotomy (think muscle) stitched up when clearly the epidural had worn off. Much worse than actually pushing a 7lb 9oz baby with 90%ile head out!
Hope that are enjoying lots of hugs with your kids this weekend!

November 21, 2009 4:05 PM  
Blogger Leanne said...

Yikes. I had two bouts of bed rest when I was pregnant with my twins, but no cerclage. Sounds horrible! If the universe is fair, you will have an easy labour and a baby who sleeps through the night by Day 5. Good luck!

November 21, 2009 8:43 PM  
Blogger ALI said...

Ouch!! Hope you had a great weekend enjoying your kiddos and living on guilt Josh must (okay, at least, should) be feeling.

November 23, 2009 9:09 AM  
Blogger Phoenix Rising said...

I think I almost passed out just reading about the pain. Please tell me you now get to wear that superhero cape out in public!

November 23, 2009 9:48 AM  
Blogger natalie said...

Ouch! That sounds intensely painful... I've had two unmedicated births, but honestly the stitches I had to have afterwards were the worst pain, and that was what your description reminded me of.

November 24, 2009 3:48 PM  

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