Roid rage
In the good news column, my high-risk doctor gave the OK for me to go home this morning. He's awesome and probably figured I would just badger them all day until they sprung me anyway, so he said I could leave but I needed to come back for my second steroid shot this afternoon.
For those unfamiliar with the reason for this protocol, steroid shots are sometimes given to women at risk of developing or who are in preterm labor. The steroids make the baby's lungs mature faster, so in case he or she is born early, it gives the baby a better shot at surviving and breathing easier. Because of my shitty incompetent cervix and now the pesky contractions, I am at risk of going into preterm labor, so this just gives us a little insurance in case I do. They don't think WeeBey is coming any time soon, but better safe than sorry.
The steroid shots are given in two doses, 24 hours apart. They are administered via your ass with a big needle. I think they might use a drinking straw, but I couldn't tell for sure because the nurse was too busy shoving it into my ample butt cheek to show me what it looked like.
You might think I am being a big baby, but I assure you, intramuscular injections hurt like a bitch. I was prepared for the pain in the ass because I had steroid shots when I was pregnant with Jack. It's like the Alamo, you never forget. I also announced out loud to the nurse that I used to have a lot of respect for women who did injectible drugs for IVF or IUI. I now have even more. Doing that to yourself every day, sometimes for multiple months? Brave, brave women.
When I went back to triage for my shot today, the woman who was my nurse yesterday on the perinatal surveillance unit (basically where they corral all the women who are in preterm labor and not close to their due dates) and administered the first shot was on duty. And here she was ready to deliver the second. What a coincidence!
"So you're ready for this?" she asked with a smile. "I think we did your right side yesterday so we'll do the left today."
"I'm not sure if I should be flattered that you remember my ass or frightened," I remarked dryly.
She must not have found me as funny as I found myself, because she grabbed a handful of flesh and plunged in the needle. I grabbed the side of the bed and inhaled sharply. I might have screamed like a little girl, but that can be neither confirmed nor denied.
I limped out of the triage room with promises that I would try to take it easy and wouldn't be back for at least five more weeks. I quickly forgot about my shot until this evening, when I went to the bathroom and caught a glimpse in the mirror of a Snoopy band-aid stuck to my ass.
My 50-game suspension from Major League Baseball action starts now, so I am ineligible for the playoffs, but I should be good to go by the All-Star Break next season. If anyone out there is looking for an out-of-shape 35-year-old second baseman who throws right and bats left, I am available. Call me. Don't believe anything you've heard about my slow home-to-first times either, my sister is a liar. It's not 15 seconds. Not even close. More like seven. But with the 'roids in me, I could probably cut that down to four.
Do you feel bad that I had to sacrifice my ass for the sake of my unborn child? You know what would ease the pain a little? If you voted for Snarky Mommy in the best Stay-At-Home Mommy Blog category. You can click here to vote! No pressure, but I am hovering between first and second place and the sympathy vote might just put me over the top.
For those unfamiliar with the reason for this protocol, steroid shots are sometimes given to women at risk of developing or who are in preterm labor. The steroids make the baby's lungs mature faster, so in case he or she is born early, it gives the baby a better shot at surviving and breathing easier. Because of my shitty incompetent cervix and now the pesky contractions, I am at risk of going into preterm labor, so this just gives us a little insurance in case I do. They don't think WeeBey is coming any time soon, but better safe than sorry.
The steroid shots are given in two doses, 24 hours apart. They are administered via your ass with a big needle. I think they might use a drinking straw, but I couldn't tell for sure because the nurse was too busy shoving it into my ample butt cheek to show me what it looked like.
You might think I am being a big baby, but I assure you, intramuscular injections hurt like a bitch. I was prepared for the pain in the ass because I had steroid shots when I was pregnant with Jack. It's like the Alamo, you never forget. I also announced out loud to the nurse that I used to have a lot of respect for women who did injectible drugs for IVF or IUI. I now have even more. Doing that to yourself every day, sometimes for multiple months? Brave, brave women.
When I went back to triage for my shot today, the woman who was my nurse yesterday on the perinatal surveillance unit (basically where they corral all the women who are in preterm labor and not close to their due dates) and administered the first shot was on duty. And here she was ready to deliver the second. What a coincidence!
"So you're ready for this?" she asked with a smile. "I think we did your right side yesterday so we'll do the left today."
"I'm not sure if I should be flattered that you remember my ass or frightened," I remarked dryly.
She must not have found me as funny as I found myself, because she grabbed a handful of flesh and plunged in the needle. I grabbed the side of the bed and inhaled sharply. I might have screamed like a little girl, but that can be neither confirmed nor denied.
I limped out of the triage room with promises that I would try to take it easy and wouldn't be back for at least five more weeks. I quickly forgot about my shot until this evening, when I went to the bathroom and caught a glimpse in the mirror of a Snoopy band-aid stuck to my ass.
My 50-game suspension from Major League Baseball action starts now, so I am ineligible for the playoffs, but I should be good to go by the All-Star Break next season. If anyone out there is looking for an out-of-shape 35-year-old second baseman who throws right and bats left, I am available. Call me. Don't believe anything you've heard about my slow home-to-first times either, my sister is a liar. It's not 15 seconds. Not even close. More like seven. But with the 'roids in me, I could probably cut that down to four.
Do you feel bad that I had to sacrifice my ass for the sake of my unborn child? You know what would ease the pain a little? If you voted for Snarky Mommy in the best Stay-At-Home Mommy Blog category. You can click here to vote! No pressure, but I am hovering between first and second place and the sympathy vote might just put me over the top.
Labels: Incompetent Cervix, Pregnancy
posted by Amy at
8:29 PM
7 Comments:
Ha! A snoopy bandaid?! You are too funny.
This must be working for you. You are winning with 45% against Irish Twins with 38%. I'll keep voting. Keep that baby safe there Momma.
I thought for sure you'd be referring to the "other" kind of roids that are commonplace in pregnancy sometimes. You're a hoot! I'm sorry you had to get those ouchie shots! The Snoopy band-aid made me laugh so hard.
I've been voting!!
ouch! When I saw the "roid rage" I was thinking of something else that pertains to the buttocks.
I was in somewhat of the same position. Although my baby did come early, 9 weeks. I was addmitted to the hospital and had the steroid shots as well. They hurt something terrible. I didnt get it in my butt though. I was lucky and got it in my arm. Good luck with you baby, I hope everything turns out okay.
Okay, Weebey, ok - you win! I voted for your mama. You can relax and sit tight, now!
i just voted! you are winning at 49% as of 7:02 pst...good luck!!!
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