First day of school

I have been talking nonstop about Jack's first day of all-day preschool for the last two years now. I go on and on to anyone who will listen how awesome our neighborhood school is and how it's FREE! MONTESSORI!

Except then the day came to send him off to all-day preschool with his backpack and his lunch and his blanket for naptime and I was suddenly unsure. What the hell kind of parent sends her 3-year-old off for a whole day with two women she met for 15 minutes two weeks ago? He needs me! What was I thinking?



And then we were there, and he was putting his backpack in his very own locker. Yes, my 3-year-old has a LOCKER. And carrying his lunchbox into the classroom and getting settled in.



At least they'll remember his name. And he's the only Jack in his class (shocking, considering every third kid in this neighborhood is named Jack) so that's good. Somehow the nametag made me feel a little relieved. They would at least know what name to call him in timeout if he started hitting the other kids.

Then he gave us a kiss and a hug, and was off to the other side of the classroom to explore. This Montessori thing had to be created with Jack in mind. Tons of interesting little toys, each with a place and everything in its place. He walked around with a HUGE grin on his face and was genuinely delighted to be there. I breathed a sigh of relief -- this was the best decision for him. I believe he will flourish in this system.



And that was our last view of him. His teacher asked him if he would like to sit down on the rug and read books, and he did. Just like that. Sat right down and got to work. We said our goodbyes and he waved dismissively. I guess he didn't have any reservations about staying.

On the way home, pushing an empty stroller, Josh asked me if I was sad. I told him I wasn't sad that he was going to school, just sad that he's not a little boy anymore. He's so grown up and doesn't need me as much.

I arrived at pick-up about 10 minutes early, along with several other moms I know, anxious to see them come out of the building. I felt like someone waiting for their long-lost love outside airport security. I craned my neck, kept checking the time. When the door opened and I saw a different teacher with a different class, my heart lurched.

But then there he was -- second in line out of the door and looking all around for me. I waved and got his attention and I thought my heart would burst waiting the 45 seconds it took for him to reach the spot where I could take possession of him on the playground. I'm not sure who was more excited to see who, or gave who the bigger hug, but it was definitely one of the best mothering moments I've had.

We walked home, him with his snack in the stroller and me chattering away with a million questions about his day. I couldn't tell you the route we took home or the amount of time it took. But I remember everything about our conversation. Someday I'll be lucky to get more than a grunt out of him after school, but for today, when he was 3-and-a-half, he was an eager participant in the discussion. And for once, I just lived in the moment and took it all in.