We are so entering this contest
I was flipping through the channels tonight when I came across "Toddlers and Tiaras" and I might have audibly squee-d and caused Josh to panic and ask what in the hell was wrong with me. But HONEY, my god, you just can't look away from something like this.
For those not in the know, this is a TLC reality show about little girls in beauty pageants. And it's a total trainwreck. All the moms are overweight, southern and pushy. All the little girls appear to have been brainwashed and/or drugged into pretending this is what they want to spend their weekend doing instead of, oh, soccer or tea parties or going to the zoo.
These girls, average age of 6, wear more makeup in one sitting than I wear cumulatively over an entire year. We're talking little girls wearing false teeth with big, strike that, HUGE, hair and high heels.
As I was watching with breathless anticipation wondering if the little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl or the other little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl would win the big prize, Josh became annoyed and told me I was only supporting this lifestyle with my choice of viewing. But Josh! They would show this whether I watched or not -- it's on cable! Besides, we're so not a Nielsen family so it's not like anyone even knows we're watching. Well, except for the whole Internet. But that's totally beside the point.
So I came up with the greatest idea EVER. I want to enter Emmie in one of these contests, but only one that has the TLC cameras following along. Then I will show up with her in a T-shirt and shorts, jelly on her face and her hair in the normal state of disarray. Her talent act will consist of her throwing herself on the stage in a tantrum -- that's truly talent right there. For formal wear, she can wear a little sundress complimented by the bruises that line both of her legs from knee to ankle.
Can you imagine the looks on the other moms' faces? It would be worth any amount of moneny I would have to pay as an entry fee. Plus everyone would think I was hilarious when I stood behind the other moms, imitating them pantomiming all their daughter's dance moves. Come to think of it, this could be an entire reality show in its own right. I am totally calling Sacha Baron Cohen to pitch this idea to him.
For those not in the know, this is a TLC reality show about little girls in beauty pageants. And it's a total trainwreck. All the moms are overweight, southern and pushy. All the little girls appear to have been brainwashed and/or drugged into pretending this is what they want to spend their weekend doing instead of, oh, soccer or tea parties or going to the zoo.
These girls, average age of 6, wear more makeup in one sitting than I wear cumulatively over an entire year. We're talking little girls wearing false teeth with big, strike that, HUGE, hair and high heels.
As I was watching with breathless anticipation wondering if the little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl or the other little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl would win the big prize, Josh became annoyed and told me I was only supporting this lifestyle with my choice of viewing. But Josh! They would show this whether I watched or not -- it's on cable! Besides, we're so not a Nielsen family so it's not like anyone even knows we're watching. Well, except for the whole Internet. But that's totally beside the point.
So I came up with the greatest idea EVER. I want to enter Emmie in one of these contests, but only one that has the TLC cameras following along. Then I will show up with her in a T-shirt and shorts, jelly on her face and her hair in the normal state of disarray. Her talent act will consist of her throwing herself on the stage in a tantrum -- that's truly talent right there. For formal wear, she can wear a little sundress complimented by the bruises that line both of her legs from knee to ankle.
Can you imagine the looks on the other moms' faces? It would be worth any amount of moneny I would have to pay as an entry fee. Plus everyone would think I was hilarious when I stood behind the other moms, imitating them pantomiming all their daughter's dance moves. Come to think of it, this could be an entire reality show in its own right. I am totally calling Sacha Baron Cohen to pitch this idea to him.
posted by Amy at
9:36 PM
11 Comments:
I so love this idea! I, too, and embarrassingly hooked on the show. It somehow makes me feel all self-righteous, thinking "at least I don't do that"! I hate that all the little girls think they win because they are "prettier" than the others. I want my child to feel accomplished not because she looks good but because she acts good. Ya know?
go for it, great idea. really funny post, i especially like the talent act. lol!!
can I pleeeeease be on your new show with you? I can bring my 3 year old whose hair never looks brushed, even when it is. I could also bring the drama with the other mamas cause I like to rumble.
btw - my favorite episode featured a little girl (6 yo) who wanted to use the prize money to buy a cow. wtf?
That show completely freaks me out and makes me thankful that I have a boy.
I actually know someone, here in CA, that's going to be on the show. We are stalking it every Wednesday so we can make fun of it after.
I want to be on the new show too! I will be rolling my eyes as the mamas mimic all the dance moves for the little girls.
I'm torn between my personal two favorites people from the show - the mom who had her daughter shave her legs and dye her hair at age 7 and the stage dad. Yeah - that guy...
hilarious. my girlfriends and i were just talking about this show this morning. I've never seen it, but am now too intrigued to miss it! It sounds horrendous.
A good friend of mine actually was on the crew filming this lovely TLC show. She would tell me these horrible stories that always ended with "...And that's not the LEAST of it!"
She quit her job.
(She's now over at MTV.)
LOVE IT! TOTALLY LOVE IT! Especially the part that all the moms are overweight, southern and pushy!!!!!!!!!!!
Man, I love you!
God, I love you. You are truly hilarious. Snarky Daddy is pretty funny too, but you, rock my face off.
Okay, if you didn't yet, you need to see Little Miss Sunshine! We took our little ones - may not be a good idea because it has foul language and a dead person, but, other than that, it will make you laugh and smile. Great blog! It's my 4-year-old's birthday today. This morning she said, "Dad [usually "Daddy"], do I look four?" Have a great day!
If you watch, I'm totally giving myself permission to see an episode. I can't let my Ellie see it though. She'll want to know why those girls get to wear make up and she doesn't. I think I'm not allowed to say, "Because their mommies are fucking idiots, honey".
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