Again with the violence
I am sure everyone is sick of reading about my aggressive kid and his penchant for abusing his sister, but god damn, I am sick of watching it happen.
Today's event involved a toy train and her nose followed by six tissues worth of blood, a bottle of Oxyclean and 15 minutes of tears. Also, a serious timeout. I don't care what the "experts" say; when he hits, he sits. That's my new motto.
I told my mom if it was Josh or I inflicting this kind of abuse, they would take our kids away from us. It's not a joke -- I can't let this continue.
The sight of blood didn't even faze him. He looked a little confused, but he certainly didn't look contrite. I just don't know what to do with this anymore. I guess hope he grows out of it before he inflicts any serious injuries. Or that she learns to wallop back. Though I know I will rue the day she does that because then I'll be refereeing fights instead of sending one to timeout and hugging the other.
The poor thing. Her fever finally broke last night and she had her appetite back today and then he practically breaks her nose. The good news is that I will be able to hide her bruise behind a surgical mask and everyone will just suspect swine flu instead of sibling abuse.
Today's event involved a toy train and her nose followed by six tissues worth of blood, a bottle of Oxyclean and 15 minutes of tears. Also, a serious timeout. I don't care what the "experts" say; when he hits, he sits. That's my new motto.
I told my mom if it was Josh or I inflicting this kind of abuse, they would take our kids away from us. It's not a joke -- I can't let this continue.
The sight of blood didn't even faze him. He looked a little confused, but he certainly didn't look contrite. I just don't know what to do with this anymore. I guess hope he grows out of it before he inflicts any serious injuries. Or that she learns to wallop back. Though I know I will rue the day she does that because then I'll be refereeing fights instead of sending one to timeout and hugging the other.
The poor thing. Her fever finally broke last night and she had her appetite back today and then he practically breaks her nose. The good news is that I will be able to hide her bruise behind a surgical mask and everyone will just suspect swine flu instead of sibling abuse.
Labels: Emmie, Injuries, Jack, Sibling Relations
posted by Amy at
9:14 PM
8 Comments:
Oh the joys of a 3 year old boy. When mine was 3 he was terrible to his (then 6month old) sister. He would push her down and hit her all the time.
I yelled, swatted, gave time outs...whatever happened to happen at the moment because really? Nothing worked. I think they do it because they can - they are physically able to have power over someone and they use it.
It sucks.
As for looking for any signs of being sorry? I wouldn't look until he is about 5 or 6. My son is FINALLY starting to see the error of his ways when he smacks his sister mainly because for some reason he is now actually seeing the red marks as something he has done - and it makes him feel bad. FINALLY. Did I mention my son just turned 7?
It's so hard. Really, really hard. I was happy when the baby started standing up for herself and getting even, though you are right - it complicates things on a new level.
Hang in there.
So, how are those timeouts working out? Waiting for Emmie to land in the emergency room before you finally realize timeouts are for little things like touching something he's not supposed to. Show him it hurts to get hit.
Ethan would have gotten spanked. Period. end of story. It does eventually sink in.
Everyone I know says it's time. Just keep your head up and have a drink and wait it out. All my friends who had 3 year olds said it got much better by 4 and 5 when they can developmentally get empathy--of course, easy for me to say! I'm dealing with this already with my nearly 3 year old and in the situation I don't sound like this!!
I usually don't spout opinions in these forums, but the social worker in me can't help but say that hitting your kid (whether on the butt or someplace else) isn't really the answer. I have all the articles that study spanking and the results are generally that it is a short term solution, but it doesn't help with the long term relationship. Hitting is hitting, no matter how you couch it. It sends an odd message to say "no hitting" and then hit to deal with it....
She will learn to wallop back - and fairly soon I would imagine. yesterday my daughter smacked my son in the head with a toy, and because I was on the phone and he didn't cry she got away with just a "no hitting" rather than the usual routine. But no sooner had I gone back to my phone call, when my son picked upt eh very same toy and smacked her in the face right back. And that more than anything probably helped because my reaction was just to explain that when she hits he learns to hit back and no one likes to be hit. The rest of the day she was veyr good and didn't hit or oush at all - they even hugged each other spontaneously a few times. Sometimes the only way to learn consequences of violence is to be on the recieving end of it - which of course doesn't make our roles as mothers and observers any easier. I hope your little girl fells better soon!
For some reason when I'm viewing the links to your posts in Google Reader...it's taking me to porn sites...just so you know :(
I have a 26 month only child, so this is hearsay. I read this on a "how to stop your kid from abusing the pets" site. The parents had tried spankings and timeouts, but those hadn't worked. What did work: as soon as Jonny hit the cat, they completely ignored him, and made a HUGE fuss over the cat, giving treats and hugs. Apparently that one worked like a charm, because Jonny didn't like being totally ignored.
Dunno... I know I was preaching spankings earlier, but if that's not working, the opposite treatment might.
Hang in there, you're doing your best! You really are a great mom, you know. And you keep the rest of our spirits up when the grind gets - er- grindy.
I can totally picture Connor being the exact same big brother; hence no other kiddos yet. :) It's such a hard stage. You're doing a great job and whatever you do, know that NO ONE can question your parenting abilities.
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