Yes, Daddy's back. And this time he's alone... with the two kids. Amy is off to San Francisco leaving Daddy to fend for himself... and before she left she gave strict instructions to both sets of Grandparents that absolutely no help is to be given to me. None.
First of all, this won't be the anything like my live-blog of Emmie's birth
. You see, I had done that before - popping out a kid - and I have to tell you, there's nothing to it. I handled it like a champ the first time and was confident I could do it again coming in. You see, I consider myself an expert on birthing children. So, I was relaxed and could kick back and blog away knowing I had everything under control.
But this folks... this is unchartered territory. Me and the two kids alone for the weekend? I have to tell you, I don't think I stand a chance. They will have me tied up and bound with a sock in my mouth shoved in the closet within a few minutes. The oddsmakers in Vegas only have me lasting 10 minutes, but I've still got a little speed left in these legs, I'm pretty sure I make it 15.
OK - that last post - all lies. I wrote that to make Amy feel good because I know she wants to think this is going to be hard for me. She is ALWAYS filling me in on how tough it is taking care of two kids at once and how she never has any free time and how I could never do it. Two kids? Two! My buddy Vince has six kids with a seventh on the way and his wife handles the whole lot of 'em. Seven kids! Can you imagine???
If that was Amy and I with seven kids, I'd be like "Amy, you know, I haven't seen little Scotty in a few days. Did we lose him?"
And she'd be like "You know, I haven't seen him. I think we did."
And I'd be like "That's cool though. We got six more, so we're still good."
So anyway, back to my little weekend arrangement. No problems... it's going to be cake folks, cake. Both kids are currently napping away. I could do this entire weekend with one hand tied behind my back.
As a matter a fact, what the heck, I will do this entire weekend with one hand behind my back... literally. Because I'm pretty sure Amy uses two hands which means I should be able to handle it with one. I have tied my right arm behind my back for the duration of the weekend. And I'm right-handed. Cake.
Wow, Amy never mentioned all the free time you have when staying home with the kids. With both still asleep, what should I do? I guess I'll scrub the floors and do some laundry.
OK, have you ever tried to change a diaper with only one arm? It's damn near impossible. Poop all over. Actually, doing any multi-tasking with the kids is pretty much out of the question. Holding Emmie, while feeding Jack? Not happening. Hey, I lasted like one hour taking care of the kids with one arm. I still rule.
Both kids asleep. More free time. What to do? Already did the laundry and cleaned the house. I guess I'll call Amy and ask her if I can do anything for her as I know that's what she would do for me when she has free time.
Emmie wakes up hungry. I feed her and she is back in the crib sleeping by 11:30.
The unsolicited phone call from the drunk wife wakes me up. There is some laughter and stories about the evening, none of which I try to comprehend. Once I can get a word in, I tell her that I was in fact sleeping and would love to hear the stories tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this call was her conspiring to make this weekend more difficult by waking me up. Honey please, you forget who you're dealing with. You're going to have to do better than that sister.
Emmie is up again. Fed and back in her crib she sits and coo's to herself for about a half hour, until 3:00 am when she starts whining. I bring put her in the swing in our room. She is out in 10 minutes.
Emmie is up and hungry again. I feed her and she lays next to me in bed cooing for another 45 minutes after the feeding. At 7:30 with Jack still sleeping, I put her back in the swing as she begins to fuss. She is out again in 10 minutes.
Jack wakes up a full hour after his usual wake time. That's my boy. I give him a book to read in his crib and tell him Daddy is going to take a shower. I'm back 10 minutes later and I have to wrestle the book away from him as he'd rather stay in his crib with the book. Maybe I should have given it to him and slept another hour. Emmie is still sleeping in the swing.
Emmie is still sleeping, God bless her little heart. Jack and I did breakfast and have been playing like madmen since then. I read Jack one of his favorite books, Elmo's Book of Opposites, and we get to the page where there is a happy face and a sad face. Jack points to the happy face and says "Daddy". He then points at the sad face and says "Mommy". I laugh and say "yes, you have it right son, that's my boy." Now I'm sure Amy will point out that the sad face looks like a female and the happy face looks like a male, and that is why Jack labeled the faces the way he did. But I'm pretty sure its symbolic of Jack's happiness when he's around his father. Yeah, that's gotta be it.
Emmie is still sleeping. On last check, she was smiling and making sucking sounds as she slept. At this rate, Emmie should wake up as soon as Jack goes down for his nap. And Amy says this is hard? Cake.
Emmie needs to wake up. We're having lunch with my buddy Matt and his daughter Lauren in a half hour. I open the door and she is acting restless in the swing, turning from side to side - a sign that she's about to wake up anyway. She slowly wakes up, I get her dressed, fed, and we're ready to go for lunch.
Emmie loves partying with Daddy.
Kicking back a cold one with Daddy.
NOTE: Don't worry folks, those beers aren't actually open. Except for Emmie's. That's her sixth one. What can I say, she just loves to get her drink on.
Matt and I walk the kids over to PJ Clarks for a little lunch. The kids are great throughout the meal. Jack wolfs down two warm blueberry muffins that they bring to our table in a roll basket. I am skeptical as to whether he'll touch the grilled cheese after that, but he manages half of one while Matt's daughter Lauren attacks the other half. Emmie is in a great mood after her long nap and just being fed. Matt and I are happy to be out of the house sipping a couple of cold Fat Tires. This is the life.
Both kids are napping again. More free time. Wow, taking care of two kids is a lot like a vacation. Except even more free time than vacation. What to do next? Maybe I'll add an addition to the house.
Both kids are back up and its time to go out and take advantage of this beautiful sunny day. We head to the zoo for an hour and stop by the playground on the way home.
"Let's go back home an have another beer, Dad"
Back at home for dinner and bedtime.
"Look at the size of those!"
NOTE: Get your minds out of the gutter - its a computer magazine folks. We're checking out of the size of the RAM you can put in a 64 bit system. Jack's just geeking out with Daddy.
Kids in bed. More free time. Daddy's going to use this free time to take a little nap. Maybe a long nap.
Emmie wakes up, takes a bottle, and is back to sleep in her crib within 20 minutes.
See 12:00 am. As you may be starting to realize, you're not dealing with an amateur here, folks.
Emmie wakes up again after only two hours in her crib. When it's time for the swing, it's time for the swing. I give her half a bottle and she is asleep in the swing in 10 minutes.
King Jack awakens. We go through our normal routine. Emmie remains sleeping giving us plenty time for us to do breakfast, read some books, watch a Spanish video, do some rough-housing, and of course throw a couple of timeouts in there to even things out.
Emmie wakes up. I get her dressed and bring her down to feed her. Now some people like to greet others with a simple wave, or maybe even a handshake. Not my son. Jack greets Emmie with a whack across the forehead which lands him right back in timeout. Despite being a repeat-offender, I bailed him out after 2 minutes.
We're pretty lucky in that we have one Major League baseball team here in Chicago. Some people get confused thinking there are two, but I assure you there is just one - it's on the south side - the White Sox. Now I'm a Cardinal fan, but can't often make it down to St. Louis for a game (although thankfully Amy and I were there when they clinched their 2006 World Championship
). At the same time, I still appreciate a good baseball game and was able to nab a couple tickets 6 rows from the field off of ebay last night for $20. So I made some lunches for the kids and we headed over to the "Cell" to see the Orioles take on the White Sox. We could only stay until the 3rd inning, as even Major League Baseball takes a backseat to nap time, but we did manage to see a Paul Konerko homerun along with some fireworks. Emmie conked out for most of the game. Jack was more interested in the seats that flip up when you're not seated in them, although the fireworks did excite him.
Jack is down for his nap. Time for Emmie and Daddy to play. Emmie does some tummy-time and gives Daddy some big smiles. She eventually wears out and joins her brother in nap-land.
You know, one thing I've noticed about the kids over the past couple of days, is that they are carbon generating machines. Sometimes I notice them sitting there smiling, trying to look cute, when I know that they're really just trying to cover up the fact that they're producing carbon emissions with little care about global warming and the melting of the polar ice caps - which really surprises me by the way because Jack just loves Polar Bears. You'd think he'd be a little more sensitive.
Obviously, Amy must have noticed the same thing but just did nothing about it. Not this guy. I decided I would not let this continue unfettered without doing something to equalize their pollution. So I just went over to carbonfund.org and bought enough offsets to make them carbon neutral for an entire year.
So next time Amy asks me to change Jack's diaper, I'll be like "Dude! I already took care of his carbon emissions for the entire year. The least you could do is handle diapers from here on out." I think that will work. She will totally go for that.
Emmie is back up and hungry. She is delighted that breast milk is on the menu and orders up 3 ounces.
I wake Jack up, as his nap is going a little late. I know he just wants to give Dad a longer break, but he's gotta eat some dinner.
Jack never used to eat vegetables. I mean, the kid wouldn't touch them. He was throwing them onto the floor before they even hit his high chair tray. Never, that is, until Amy came up with the "I bet you can't eat one" game. Ever since then, well have a look for yourself: (video will be posted tomorrow)
I can't wait for "I bet you can't vacuum the house" and "I bet you can't mow the lawn".
I put Emmie down for the night as Jack watches an Elmo DVD. Jack is currently the President of the Elmo fan club and just can't get enough of him.
Jack's in bed. Well with the kids asleep, I can finally say this weekend was, as I've been saying all along, cake. But I have to give thanks to a special someone out there who I absolutely could not have done this without. Someone for whom I hold a special place in my heart. Someone who has been going underappreciated for far too long. That, of course, is the one and only baby swing. If it weren't for the swing keeping Emmie sleeping until the late morning every day, things would have been quite a bit more interesting. With the mornings free with just Jack, I was able to devote a lot of time to him while handling other chores - such as washing and readying six bottles of breast milk for the day. By the time she woke up, it was time for lunch and then time for Jack's nap - which was perfect to devote some time to Emmie. Anyway, everything worked out pretty well.
And I must admit, I'm wiped out. I thought it was relatively easy, but they still took a lot out of me. The free time I claimed I had so often never lasted as long as I hoped. And no matter what time it is, you never know when that baby monitor is going to starts shrieking with some kid on the other end - a kid that always seems to be one of mine. You can never fully relax. I don't know how Amy does it. Two days with a little luck thrown in was pretty easy. But she deals with them day in and day out. I love my kids to death, but how she does it, I do not know. She is a saint. Honey, you're the greatest.
And I'm not saying all this just because she's letting me go to Europe to visit my buddy Ed for a week. Maybe.
Labels: Emmie, Jack, Parenting, pictures