Sucky Mommy
That should be the new title of this blog.
For the last few days, Jack has really been trying my patience. We had a meeting of the minds yesterday night where I sat him down after a particularly annoying burst of light-switch antics that ended with a raised voice and a tantrum.
I told him he needs to listen to Mommy when she says no. When Mommy says no, she says it because she is trying to keep him from doing something dangerous or not nice. Such as turning the light off when I am changing Emmie. Or whipping his Nemo backback around and hitting his sister in the head. Or doing headstands on the couch. And when Mommy says no, that means stop what you are doing.
Of course he was wiggling and squirming away from me as I was talking to him and telling him to look at me and then laughing and thinking it was just all fun and games.
Granted, these are all normal toddler behaviors. And I know the blah blah about him testing his limits. But there comes a point where the limits are beyond tested. That point came at 7:27 this evening.
As I was nursing Emmie on the couch, he kept climbing up next to me and throwing himself against the back of the couch. And then he started with the headstands again. I asked him repeatedly to stop. I said no in a stern voice. I even grabbed his arm and told him to get down and stop.
He laughed and did it again, knowing full well there was nothing I could do about it while I was nursing, but this time his foot connected with Emmie's head.
So she was screaming, I was yelling and Jack was laughing. I stood up and told him he was getting a timeout and to go to the naughty mat. That would be the naughty mat that he has to be lead to and held on for him to stay there. Yeah, that's real effective. Especially when he hits his sister so she's wailing and needs comforting and I have to put her down so I can physically make him sit on the mat for two minutes. We used to use the pack-n-play for timeout, except now we actually use it for packing and playing.
So when he refused to sit on the naughty mat and I needed to help the walking wounded calm down, I told him it was time to clean up toys because we were going upstairs to take a bath right then. And he refused to clean up his toys and purposely climbed on the couch and started kicking me. No headstands, no pretense of jumping. He just kicked.
So I told him, in a rather loud voice, that he lost his chance. There would be no bath and he was going to bed right that minute. The hysterics ensured and I saw tears and crying and rolling on the floor the likes of which I have not seen before.
He was hysterically sobbing and repeating, "Bath! Please! Bath! Please!" and I stood there unmoved and held my ground. I told him to walk up the stairs. He laid there screaming. I put Emmie in her swing and carried him, sobbing and still chanting his mantra, up to his room.
He then added "Daddy! Daddy!" to his repertoire and I maintained a stony face and told him Daddy would not have let him take a bath either. I stayed calm and told him he could not take a bath because he didn't listen to Mommy and he was going to bed. I put him in his jammies and read him his book, all the while he is sobbing, and then I put him in his crib, told him I loved him and he sobbed, "Lovey" (which is how he says I love you).
While I listened to him cry himself to sleep, I second-guessed myself. Seriously, I took a bath away from my 2-year-old? WTF? He doesn't understand taking something away as punishment, he's too young.
I guess I am the winner of the Shitty Mommy crown for today. I can only hope I can't fulfill my duties tomorrow and the first runner-up has to take my place.
For the last few days, Jack has really been trying my patience. We had a meeting of the minds yesterday night where I sat him down after a particularly annoying burst of light-switch antics that ended with a raised voice and a tantrum.
I told him he needs to listen to Mommy when she says no. When Mommy says no, she says it because she is trying to keep him from doing something dangerous or not nice. Such as turning the light off when I am changing Emmie. Or whipping his Nemo backback around and hitting his sister in the head. Or doing headstands on the couch. And when Mommy says no, that means stop what you are doing.
Of course he was wiggling and squirming away from me as I was talking to him and telling him to look at me and then laughing and thinking it was just all fun and games.
Granted, these are all normal toddler behaviors. And I know the blah blah about him testing his limits. But there comes a point where the limits are beyond tested. That point came at 7:27 this evening.
As I was nursing Emmie on the couch, he kept climbing up next to me and throwing himself against the back of the couch. And then he started with the headstands again. I asked him repeatedly to stop. I said no in a stern voice. I even grabbed his arm and told him to get down and stop.
He laughed and did it again, knowing full well there was nothing I could do about it while I was nursing, but this time his foot connected with Emmie's head.
So she was screaming, I was yelling and Jack was laughing. I stood up and told him he was getting a timeout and to go to the naughty mat. That would be the naughty mat that he has to be lead to and held on for him to stay there. Yeah, that's real effective. Especially when he hits his sister so she's wailing and needs comforting and I have to put her down so I can physically make him sit on the mat for two minutes. We used to use the pack-n-play for timeout, except now we actually use it for packing and playing.
So when he refused to sit on the naughty mat and I needed to help the walking wounded calm down, I told him it was time to clean up toys because we were going upstairs to take a bath right then. And he refused to clean up his toys and purposely climbed on the couch and started kicking me. No headstands, no pretense of jumping. He just kicked.
So I told him, in a rather loud voice, that he lost his chance. There would be no bath and he was going to bed right that minute. The hysterics ensured and I saw tears and crying and rolling on the floor the likes of which I have not seen before.
He was hysterically sobbing and repeating, "Bath! Please! Bath! Please!" and I stood there unmoved and held my ground. I told him to walk up the stairs. He laid there screaming. I put Emmie in her swing and carried him, sobbing and still chanting his mantra, up to his room.
He then added "Daddy! Daddy!" to his repertoire and I maintained a stony face and told him Daddy would not have let him take a bath either. I stayed calm and told him he could not take a bath because he didn't listen to Mommy and he was going to bed. I put him in his jammies and read him his book, all the while he is sobbing, and then I put him in his crib, told him I loved him and he sobbed, "Lovey" (which is how he says I love you).
While I listened to him cry himself to sleep, I second-guessed myself. Seriously, I took a bath away from my 2-year-old? WTF? He doesn't understand taking something away as punishment, he's too young.
I guess I am the winner of the Shitty Mommy crown for today. I can only hope I can't fulfill my duties tomorrow and the first runner-up has to take my place.
Labels: Jack, Motherhood
posted by Amy at
9:03 PM
12 Comments:
Listen Lady...I crown myself mother of the year on a daily basis...we allll have these times with our kids. Give yourself a break - you took a bath away from him - I am thinking he will get over it. I am quite sure you are a fantastic mom or you wouldn't feel so bad about taking a bath away from a 2 year old. Parenting is not for the faint of heart...that is for sure.
I'm not a parent, but I think you took a very well reasoned approach. He might not completely understand taking away bath time, but I think you imparted the importance of not kicking, especially around his little sister.
Kudso to you for holding your ground! It is very easy to cave in and not follow through, but you didn't. You're teaching him that when you say something you mean it. You appear to have far more patience than I ever had when my son was 2. I don't know you, but your posts are evidence that you are a wonderful, nurturing mother. Give your self a pat on the back, not a kick.
I'm with the other posters, I think you handled it very well. Sometimes, especially at the end of a day filled with pushing limits, getting stern is the only way to make an impression. Hopefully, it will be better today because of it.
And, really, it's not like you told him he couldn't have his most favoritist blanket for the night. It was just a bath.
I think holding your ground is going to be the best thing you can do for him. He probably comprehends a lot more than you think, and eventually he will learn that doing naughty things = something bad happening. Hang in there! You're a great mommy.
I concur. You didn't kick back, and that's the important thing.
I agree with everyone! It's good for him to know that when you say something you mean it. If you said yes, after saying no, he would figure out that you do that. Good job!
I love Katina's response.
Don't ever doubt your mommying abilities. I've learned oodles from you.
OMG. So much to say and so little time. I PROMISE I will return later to finish my comment.
First, you are not a sucky mommy. NOT AT ALL. You love your children. That automatically puts you in the Good Mommy category. Hey, World--Amy is a GOOD MOMMY!!
Second, I have a 3 year old and a 7month old and WE JUST WENT THROUGH THIS. Josh seemed to purposely push all of my buttons in the months after the baby was born. It was as though he was daring me to do something. We used time outs (and I often had to drag him to time-out, too). Instead of a mat, though, I would put him in his room and shut the door. Usually, I was the one who needed a time out away from him, and putting him in his room was what I needed for my own sanity. He still would cry, but often he'd calm down quickly and play quietly with something. When he and I were both more ourselves, we'd talk it over. (I'm sure everyone in the world has mentioned the book _1-2-3Magic_ to you. I based my technique on this.)
Anyhow, his behavior got worse as the baby got older. It's not that he didn't love his brother, he just hated sharing attention and would do anything to get me to interact with him--even if the attention was negative. The peak of the awfulness for us occurred when the baby was about 6 months. We had one truly, truly terrible weekend where he screamed that he wanted his brother to go back to the hospital(there were tantrums, crying, hair pulling-- the three year old even did some of those things, too), and --poof!-- he went back to normal. It was an awful phase, but I am so glad it passed.
Must run...more later.
you absolutely did the right thing. if you did not do it this time, it would be that much harder to do it the next time, and next thing you know you'd have a sociopathic 36 year old on your hands who screams at co-workers and pouts when no one want to have drinks with him.
Amy,I would have done exactly what you did, except that there would be no book reading, and possibly there would be no changing into pajamas. I've had days like that with Dom - once he went to bed without dinner because he chose to keep acting out after I gave him a warning. I see nothing wrong with you taking charge and not giving into what he wanted.
Hang in there!
Have you read "I was a really good mom before I had kids"? If not, READ IT! It's fabulous!
Trust me, we've ALL been there in one fashion or another. After one particularly tough dinner with my daughter, I actually spiked a handful of peas on the floor like I'd just scored a touchdown. Yeah, real mature Mom!
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