Stitch-free area

If you are at all squeamish, or would rather not be privy to the contents of my girlie parts, then perhaps you should tune back Monday. Because today's post is going to be all cervix all the time.

The cerclage is out and I am relieved. But it was not so much fun having it removed and I would equate the experience to having all my fingernails pulled out one by one with a pliers. A rusty pliers.

When I arrived, I was a wee bit uptight. Or so my blood pressure indicated, considering it was 112/89. My normal is a coma-like 100/60, so I would say I might have been a bit nervous. Of course my outward appearance betrayed none of that, as I breezed in with full makeup, straight hair, jewelry, cute outfit and my fur coat. Because you can't take out a stitch in your cervix without your fur, natch.

They get me all set and call my OB and she comes down and we get down to work. And she digs. And she grabs. And she snips. And she digs. And she grabs. And she digs. And she grabs.

I am sweating bullets by this point, squeezing my opposite hand and doing some serious deep breathing. I can tell you what each of the ceiling tiles above the bed looked like and where all the water spots were. I was silently trying to decide if this was an acceptable form of torture for prisoners at Guantanamo. I would say the resounding answer is NO.

Then the discussion about the gauze used to stanch the bleeding began and it was determined that the old 4x4s would have been awesome, except they don't let them use them in the triage room anymore so we had to make do with the 2x2s. I have no idea what in the sam hell this means, except I hope no one was driving an SUV through the speculum. Although with all the pain, I really can't be sure.

About 25 gauze pads later, my OB said she thought "the oozing" had stopped and that she was done. She muttered something about talking to the perinatalogist about tying his knots on the side and checked my progress.

Lookee, lookee: immediately after removal I dilated to 1 cm and she pronounced my cervix very short. I was monitored for about 20 minutes and I think any contractions were very minor, so they sent me on my merry way. I was there an hour and 15 minutes total.

I came home and tried to pick Jack up and he looked at me like a crazy person. I guess he knew what was up after 21 weeks, but then he deemed me worthy and has not stopped asking "uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhpppppppppp" all day. It's nice to be loved.

My smug self was feeling pretty positive until about 2:45 p.m. when I started contracting with some serious intensity, four minutes apart. We're talking serious, can't-talk-through-them contractions that had me lying on my side and drinking water. I had about five of them before I fell asleep on the bed, slept for about an hour, and then had some more that woke me up. After the worst one yet, I decided to pee and that really helped. They stopped after that and I have been fine since dinnertime.

However, holy bleeding batman. I didn't bleed this much when they put the cerclage in. I can't believe it's this bad just from pulling it out. They told me to expect it for today and that it was normal. But seriously, it's a lot.

So now we wait. I want at least 10 more days out of this pregnancy, so let's all hold hands and chant or pray or think good thoughts or whatever it is you do. I'll just be here ignoring the impending labor.