Whole Paininmyass

As I believe I have mentioned in the past, we live three blocks from a Whole Foods, Trader Joe's and Sunflower Market. I want for nothing when it comes to organic food and to have it in walking distance is ridiculously awesome.

But the whole "no lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk" restriction with a cerclage makes my shopping a wee more difficult. If I can't fit it in the basket under the stroller, I can't buy it. Or I have to send Josh.

Today, we needed just about everything Jack eats in a week. I knew we needed milk for me and for Josh (yes, there are three of us in this house and we all drink different milks: whole, chocolate and skim) so there was no way I could carry it all.

Since I was going to look for a new pair of maternity pants at the Gap (Ha! Hahahaha that was a great time. I came home empty-handed.) I told Josh I would just take the car to Whole Foods on the way home.

Let me set the scene for you. We live three blocks from one of the busiest retail corridors of the city. Between now and Christmas, we generally try to take the car out as little as possible on the weekends because the traffic is so hellacious. Don't even get me started on the parking at Whole Foods, which shares a 200-spot parking lot with a Best Buy. They actually have valet parking at Whole Foods between Thanksgiving and New Year's. It's INSANE.

Of course, where am I on a Sunday afternoon, when there is no Bears game on to occupy people? At a grocery store. What an idiot I am.

So I pull into the back row of the parking lot and see an open spot, which someone is blinkering toward from the front of the spot, and a guy going to the car right next to it, which I blinker toward from behind. So two cars (on the same side of the row), two blinkers and two spots.

Of course, some asshat in a Jetta comes the opposite way down the row and turns into the empty spot. OH NO YOU DIDN'T. And seriously, people still drive Jettas?

I gesture wildly, in effect communicating, "Get the hell out of there, that is so NOT your spot." He smirks and waves and the people in front, who actually have dibs on that spot, just get pissed and drive on. But I roll down the window.

"Dude, I was here first, and that is not even the spot I was taking. It's for that guy up there. That is so not your spot."

Smirky Driver says, "Calm down. There's two spots."

Me: "Right, and two people waiting. Neither of which was you. Move."

So he pulls out. And his girlfriend decides to get in on the act and inform me I should just "calm down" while gesticulating with her manicured hand. Smirky Driver rolls up his window and away they go.

So yes, I won the parking battle. And it felt damn good. Then, on the way back to my car after shopping, I nudged a Porsche with my cart by accident. I am not sure what kind of karmic message that is, but insert your own interpretation here.