Jack wins by KO

Could his noggin be any harder?

This morning, after returning from my doctor appointment (more on that in a minute), I was sitting on the couch with Jack and Josh. Jack was talking on the phone to Grandma and kept trying to slide the keyboard out on the phone. Apparently he wanted to text her instead.

The problem with sliding the keyboard out is that he is able to activate the screen, which then enables him to hang the phone up. As Grandmas don't generally like to be hung up on, we try to discourage that little trick.

And know that by discourage, I mean "take the phone away" from his hot little hands. Which results in screaming and tears and tantrums the likes of which you have never experienced.

Today's little fit resulted in him throwing his head back with the force of an atom bomb. Into my eye socket. I saw stars -- literally. I ran from the room, clutching my head and sat down on the kitchen floor, where I actually shed tears.

That shit hurts!

Jack ran over and tried to pull my hands off my face, and then when I finally looked at him, telling him he hurt Mommy and that she was sad, he hit me and laughed. That's right kid, kick me when I'm down.

So now I have a knot on my eyebrow bone and a headache. Jack, of course, was rubbing the back of his head for like a milisecond and then was off to the next adventure.

After that we settled down and I showed him my "owies" from the doctor's office. My OB gives the pediatric flu shot to pregnant patients, since that is the thermerisol-free one, so adults get two shots: one in each arm muscle. I showed Jack my bandaids, but lamented that Mommy did not get an Elmo sticker for her bravery. He pulled my sleeve down and didn't want to look at it anymore. Great bedside manner on this kid.

But everything looked great at the doctor. She said my cervix is closed, but short, but no shorter than it was on Monday, so we're still calling it 1.5 cm. I am free to roam about the cabin, she just said to sit down or lie down if I start having contractions again.

And HA! I lost 3 pounds this month, which I didn't really, but it all balanced out. Last month I went in right after my hospital stay and all the IV fluids they had given me were apparently still floating around in there. They tried to tell me I gained 11 pounds that month, which I disputed vehemently. So losing 3 pounds this month really puts me at 8 pounds over two months, which is what I figured. So for those playing at home, I have gained a grand total of 21 pounds in seven months, which puts me on track to gain exactly what I did with Jack.

My twice-monthly appointments start now, continue for the next two months, and then right after Christmas, I go weekly. Which scares the living hell out of me because here is the progression: Thanksgiving is in two weeks; Christmas is a month after that; my stitch comes out the first week of January and then HOLY SHIT we're having another kid. See how quick that comes up? It's like boom, it's Christmas and we're having a baby.

Excuse me while I go hide under the bed now.